I may have been to starbucks and 2 classes with balls still written on my face...
i was concerned for your health after you took your "last shot" four times...
when she asked me if it was possible to swim under north america i knew it was time to leave.
OMG HAIR ON HIS DICK. HAIR ON HIS DICK AS IN GROWING OUT OF HIS DICK. HAIR.
Not going out tonight. And so the 25 day drinking streak ends....
P.S, i don't recommend doing keg stands on top of vehicles.
I'm trying not to drink. I may fall down if I move. This is bad. I had everclear before the bar. Oh no. Oh no. Breathe. Breathe. Breathe.
I was high fiving everyone. I even high fived with the wall for doing such a good job suporting the ceiling and keeping us alive.
The taxi driver was going on about how many drunk chicks want to sleep with him when he drives them home. Not sure if he was bragging or hinting
I love my life sometimes. I do miss being an adult, from time to time, but a little vodka always changes my mind.
Uhmm, it's called hentai.
I DON'T CARE WHAT IT'S CALLED I DON'T WANT TO SEE IT ON MY WORK COMPUTER
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU
MANY MANY THINGS AND MOST OF THEM ARE YOUR FUCKING FAULT
I walked in and saw her crying and singing to her dog
My sex toys have been held in customs for almost a month now. They're British, what the hell?!?
I couldn't find my contact solution so I thought mixing toothpaste and water would work
Randomize
