DUDE DUDE I JUST GOT TH E BEST IDEA FOR A CHILDRENS BOOK "If You Give A Girl A Blow Job"
i googled "the goonies drinking game." i may be alone, but i'm living the college dream.
Just found out that I was singing john legend songs as I threw up last night. Quality.
The best part was her genuine shock and total "I didn't know" look when we said she couldn't cook a steak in a microwave.
i woke up with a grocery list signed by "the people who ate all your shit while you were passed out"
This kid is too lonely to be my drug dealer.
It's amazing how many friends she makes simply by carrying that flask of whiskey everywhere she goes.
So if I get kidnapped from my office and go missing for a few days does that count against my vacation days and do I still get paid?
I just stole some rubbers from the girl I stayed with last night so I can use them on a different girl today..
I just want a man to crawl into my bed with me and never crawl out. Anti socialism at his best.
he can get married early and ruin his life but he sure as hell isn't ruining mine with a shitty bachelor party
I was just asked by a police officer to not come back to Lancaster...
I really don’t want to have kids.
I thought we agreed we were done with dirty talk for the day
To be clear you just said "I'll give you a baby" as a sext?
My roommate just angrily told the cat he should have knocked, but that's not lockdown madness. They're always like that.
Randomize
