I hope my future cuntsucker is that tight
He can't get past my hymen. At least that's what he said it feels like.
I should just wear a shirt that says "Im Sorry" on the front because the second we land in Vegas, I'm going to be a fuckin trainwreck.
Somehow he came on his own face...then he freaked out
The irony of calling it Pride is that you do things that no one should be proud of.
it was literally the size of a crayloa marker. i didnt know what to do with it so i just sat there
Is it bad to get into the ocean at night? i always thought sharks hated the smell of vomit after drinking
Wanna hang out, and by hang out I mean go get plan B... and maybe lunch, but mostly plan b
I am a woman. I need to be selective about the porn I stream on my phone. Who knows if my cell will ever get lost, who will see it and what they'd think otherwise. Keepin' it classy tampa.
He just walked in the house and decided to wake everyone up by yelling "I SHIT MYSELF!" We all thought he was joking....we were all wrong.
Best line overheard at the bar: "This is the last time I'm shaving my ass for him...I mean we just broke up".
He must've been a bear in a previous life. My nipple is bleeding. Shit's sensitive.
I’m going to try to be less of a cryptic bitch this week. Should be nice.
He's my ex's boss. I'm not above sleeping with him for that fact alone.
I. Am. Not. Tattooing. My. Penis.
Randomize
