He just screamed at her, "if you pass out i am still having sex with you!!!" In front of the entire party.
Literally been drinking for 10 hours. Hammered. Roasted chestnuts fell out of my shirt earlier.
I miss the time when Mondays weren't the new Thursdays. I can't drink like my 17 year old self anymore.
That gas station is used for only two things, picking up moonshine and getting murdered. Only two outcomes.
My period started right as he was entering, which really helped me sell the "I've never done this before" bit.
ask me again when I'm sobewr aka tuesday
So I was bartending last night and this guy w/ his gf said that he recognized me, so I asked him, "do you watch a lot of gay porn?"
Gotta get new sheets. ..I fucked the satin off mine.
I just had to close my blinds so my neighbors wouldn't see me drinking a beer at 9 am. GO CHIEFS!
What is more embarrassing, shitting yourself in Mexico or having sex in a forest preserve with a 19 yr old? This is crucial research.
I know he’s a bad decision but he's casual, his penis is amazing and his technique is on point.
I have jury duty tomorrow
I almost deep fried my finger today and yet I think you are worse off than I am.
I think about him when I masturbate so I guess you could call it love
I 100% barfed while bumping the DMX remix of reading rainbow
Another thing to add to the list of things not to do while I'm drunk......explain to the upstairs neighborr how to have quiet orgasams......she now thinks I want to be part of a threesome......fuck my life
Randomize
