Maybe if you date her you can take a dump on her
honestly if we didnt hate the same people we would have a friendship based on nothing
STOP fucking him and come play in the snow with us!
you're close to getting here right? Because if you're still not here and I have to get dressed to answer the door for the pizza guy, i'm tipping him $100 on your credit card to spite you
I'm still waiting for my blazer that I left at your apartment, you owe me a blowjob for every day from Thursday on that it's late.
He told everyone he was freezing their keys so they couldn't drive drunk. When I opened the freezer this morning, my keys were at the bottom of an unfrozen ice cream tub of vodka.
We're doing kegstands for my 80th Bday, so don't lose that muscle tone.
All I know is....there's beer in my camera. How do I know? Because I can pick up my camera,shake it and HEAR, the beer in it
She offered to treat me to breakfast after a one night stand if I meet her parents and sex again if I act as her bf. It may be a trap but its a offer I won't refuse.
Definitely! I will do that this week. Right now, watching drag queens play with my dad's beard.
Apparently I taped knives to my hands and made everyone call me wolverine
I had to ask him for a dick pic. Do you know how refreshing that was?
I CLEANED MY BATHROOM FOR YOU!! betrayal
It's time you knew: I have been dating your probation officer for 7 months. Pretty certain he's THE ONE. So, thanks for being a criminal.
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
Randomize
