I am pretty sure the guy in the stall two dwn from me is jerking it...seriously
So you refered to him as "monster dick"...not so much
I'm gonna get drunk and through up on the first happy couple I see.
There's an Captain Planet marathon because of Earth Day. I can't NOT turn this into a drinking game.
I swear if it wasn't for meeting for drug dealers @ gas stations, i would never remember to get gas.
Does the phrase 'traumatizing near-threesome' mean anything to you.
I have a cup of vodka in my bathroom with a straw in it. Yes, I am ready for this bikini wax.
Remind me never to take that much Vicodin ever again. I laid in bed measuring my heart rate for an hour and a half because I was afraid it would stop.
It was technically 11... But I go by McDonald's time, if they aren't servin breakfast, it's the afternoon. Therefore I can drink
My kid just put flowers in my hair to make me pretty, then showed my boobs to an entire playground. He's either the best wingman or the worst.
Every time Brady gets sacked I cum a little...
I dont even know what happened i just remember waking up with beer cans outlining my body...
Did I tell you I’m going on a date? His name is Michael and we both like dinosaurs and anal.
Bachelorette party buss just rolled into down town. DTF, "horny hotties inside" and "show us your dicks" written on the windows....this could get interesting.
We already gave up cheese, how are we supposed to give up coke?
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