party was madd awkward.. it was like every person who i sat next to in high school and never said hi to was there
If i come home from court on friday.. i'm definitely doing something illegal.
he rolled over in his sleep, called me a hoe and then grabbed my crotch. some things never change, asleep or not.
He called the drink "The Annexation of Puerto Rico". He wouldn't tell us whats in it but said that we should all fear for our lives. Let's do this.
I fell asleep with all the lights and heat on in the apartment with windows open, Earth Hour is lost on people like me.
yes he does come on. what guy wouldnt want his penis named after a dragon
you might as well be a hobo. you were covered in pee last night hanging out on the stairs drunk.
right. well we all have our lows.
We ended not having sex. I didn't want to explain that I was wearing a Unitard because all my socks and underwear were dirty.
Dont care what i do tnt just as long as i get to chug a beer in somebodys face
He showed up at my house, drunk, proclaiming that he needed to fuck me...my dad let him in
Whatever. That's why I am to be babied like a calf. I regret nothing.
I can't believe the police had to bring me to my booty call last night
Never thought I'd see the day when I got assless chaps in the mail, and yet here we are...
So some guy thought I took second place in a male stripper competition
I'm drunk and don't know where I am. There's a giant metal penguin if that helps.
Randomize
