One of my students just wrote an essay on how ninjas, like drug addicts, must realize they need help before they can get better...I gave it an A+
I just realized last night I drunk-bought a flight to Florida for this weekend...kinda torn between the price and the potential of awesomeness
Class is significantly more awkward when you know that your teacher knows what you look like with your legs behind your head... Just saying.
The fact that I am sitting home writing a resume while you're out inducing vomiting makes me feel like way more of an adult than I'm ready to be.
So she just apologized to the fire extinguisher.
All I heard was "I swear it'll be funny" and then we were in jail.
Night just started and I've already seen a woman headbutt a brick wall. Unintentionally. Epic to say the least
My parents don't seem to understand that all I want to do over break is smoke in bed and watch Workaholics.
Trying to figure out what I just puked. Demon weed is salad. No more drunk buffets.
I'm sure nobody at Walmart was wondering why I was wearing a glittery tutu and needed $300 changed into small bills
And now to play every stoner's favorite game: Where the Fuck Did We Park the Car?! Disneyland Edition!
My bail money is reserved for people I either A, think were in the right, or B, have an awesome story that leads up to needing it. Just remember that before you call me.
Shout out to my liver for being the true MVP. It easily put in more work than LeBron or Curry this week.
he just fucked me for my cheese.
Its really hard to take a shit when the dog wont stop trying to crawl into your lap
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