i'm sick of taking my pants off and seeing a look of disappointment on the girls face. i want her to be frigthened
there was so much ham clogging the tub drain.. he said it was ok he has a cleaning lady
Guy in our group took down a chick in a wheelchair last night.
I'll be honest. I knew what I was getting into. I'm not proud, but I'll be damned if I'm ashamed. 6 month draught is over. That's justice.
you have failed as an in class drinking partner.
She literally pulled the door off the hinges and "dropped" it down the stairs... Do I just say 'good job' and put her to sleep?
it only took 2 hours but we managed to melt the purity ring down with a butane torch
Sorry, they don't make maternity Power Ranger suits...
My mouth tastes like what I imagine a hobo's skin would taste like.
There are both cum and chocolate stains on my sheets. Can't decide whether this is a new low or a new high.
I made a joke about The Hemingway being a really boring sex position where you blandly describe all the action and then kill yourself after you orgasm. He stopped responding. I've GOT to stop talking to everyone like they're you.
I'm pretty sure our sex is better than most foods and that says a lot too bc I really like food
I don't need to marry the guy. I just need some filthy, shameful wish fulfillment sex and then live out the rest of my life on the bean farm.
I still can't believe that dog licked my nipple.
Where am I? And why the fuck did you leave me here?
Relax. I left you somewhere safe plus you have all my weed so you know I will come back for you.
Randomize
