none of my boyfriends are responding right now, I thought I had enough to avoid this problem
If Billy Mays did an infomercial on your dick, it still wouldn't get you laid.
I felt like a body pillow being humped by a twelve year old.
we hooked up on one of my student's desks last night...i can't decide if i'm ashamed or massively proud of myself
dude you teach first grade wtf
we found you standing over and eating out of my neighbor's garbage can
if that blanket by the dog bowl was your dog's "bed" then i apologize to bailey for having sex on it
If I get laid, we are framing that mattress and hanging it on the wall as the place we both lost our virginities.
Just bartered a McD's cheeseburger and fries for two pitchers. Oregon Trail ain't got shit on me.
I think I'm gonna quit partying for awhile. Piercing my own nose is where I draw the line.
I am sleeping in the bathtub because my bed is too soft.
So yeah he had good weed?
Can I just skip the lesson I have planned for tomorrow and just teach my students about Prohibition using my impending hangover?
This is why american education is failing
Multi-day drunkenness is to binge drinking as black diamonds are to skiing. They're tough and confusing and you hurt afterwards, but you did it and you probably got an alright story along the way.
At one point in the night, as we were running from the cops, I clearly remember you yelling "little gnomes are tickling the insides of my body!" ...that high.
I dont remember you getting a condom thrown at you. I think I had a concusion
2 weeks shy of 25 and all I’m wishing for is a secret admirer who pulls my trash cans to the curb Wednesday morning for me because I always forget to Tuesday’s nights thanks to it being dollar draft night at the local bar
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