When I woke up his cat was sleeping on my face and i had scratch marks on my neck. not happy.
only room for one pussy in that bed.
I made my rape whistle into a roach clip device. FRESHMAN YEAR!
Thanks for sticking it out with old horseface last night... I owe you one buddy.
He texted me for a bootycall at 2:00am so I rolled outta bed and shaved my legs but then he decided he wasn't coming over...he lost his bootycall privileges
Has now officially visited every ER in this city in one semester.
He sent me a picture of myself smashed completely butt naked passed out on the couch and said "at least I'll have these memories"
ALL CAPS CUZ ITS SERIOUS SHAME.
We're both on the slippery slope toward middle age...and really shame riddled bar experiences
I want to break his glasses with my pelvis.
I don't mean to complain but you could have done a better job of keeping me alive last night
we broke up because he couldn't handle the fact that i've slept with more girls than he has. also, i've slept with the girl he's seeing now.
Well THAT'S the last time I buy beer and baby wipes in the same Walmart run ... just wanted to shout I USE THEM TO REMOVE MY MAKEUP, YOU ASSHOLES
I don't know. I wanna do you but I also want a cheeseburger.
I'm now at a gay bar with our relatives
Last night was great... In the "I got videotaped making out and getting a handjob on the couch in front of 100 people." kinda way.
Randomize
