someone get that fucking seahorse.
I had a fork in my beer hand and just stabbed my tongue.
He was crying to my sister about feeling like a bad person. Then he groped my breasts.
I'm going to appeal my grade. Is it better to look studious or slutty?
He gave her the shocker .. I didn't know people really did that.
This is how I ended up being the slutty friend isn't it?
I was to tired to jerk him off, so he made me hold it while he thrusted into my hand.
i don't know what part of 'duct tape bikini waxes' seemed even a little okay in our drunk minds, but i'm never drinking with your sister again
I feel like telling him your vigina was older than him was not a good pick up line.
Something about finishing sexting a guy and him going "well. I have to get ready for Passover now" really makes me rethink my life choices
We need to leave a grand offering for the god of free booze and salvia.
Currently eating Dominos at the bar high as shit so that's how homework is going
college girl with braces trying to flirt with you...time to go
So i dislocated my knee but still went home and fucked his brains out. Nothing gets in the way of my sex life. NOTHING.
Nothing says “I spent too much in Vegas” quite like eating a jar of pickles for dinner and planning on cream of celery soup for breakfast tomorrow.
Randomize
