Dude I wish you were here. I'm innthe back seat and it looks like outer space and everything feels like rice. idk. wtf.
he is fucking friends with his exwife on facebook, but he defriends me after 3 dates? am i that crazy?
margarita scented body wash shouldn't be used the morning after cuervo. there should be a warning on the label.
we found you eating frozen orange juice with a spoon and then drinking vodka from the bottle.
how can i incorporate a boy scout uniform into what i do tonight?
I hijacked a bellboy cart and rolled into the party dancing on it
I already ran out of vodka but I have more beer. I just ran naked into the high school party down the street as took all theirs. ...figured no one wants to tackle the naked guy..
Do I really need this much space in my mouth?
Are you already high?
I just want to know how she convinced 6 sober ROTC guys to have an ab contest on a street corner at 2 in the morning.
That would be an interesting position... Not entirely certain how that'd work!
Gravity is no match for my libido
You called me your momma bear, and then demanded more vodka
He also reminds me slightly of a pirate which i find strangely attractive
In the officer's defense, I was indeed pantless at the time he cuffed me, but there's a perfectly good explanation.
You are a genius and a whore.
i just turned on my printer and found 10 pounds of german chocolate inside. i think i found where you hid your candy last night
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