If she sees it and stops hooking up w/ me then you owe me
ps i'm pretty sure i was blacked out when we hooked up? good thing i was w. you and not an actual diddler or an organ harvester
Hahaha. Shut up you were blacked out my ass. U were str8 mixin it up with urs truly like it was ur J-O-B
So right when I was pulling her underwear off with my teeth, she told me, "Stick your penis in my 'nanners." Needless to say, there was no penis-'nanner interaction.
The first sip always goes straight to my vagina.
listen if there's one thing I'm asking of you tonight is that you buy me a cow for my farmville.
Tell me you're stoned. It's 2:40am.
finding my wedding ring encrusted in vomit this morning really just topped off last night...
I was wondering where I've seen this kid then I remembered I saw him doing lines of blow of his gf's leg while she was sleeping last week.
I guess I gave him a 20 minute play-by-play of the first three sections of R. Kelly's 'trapped in a closet.'
I figured you left because I was a shit show. Were you still there when I got locked in the bathroom and didn't know where I was? If not, that could have been a dream. I'm still not sure.
Responsibility: Hiding your beer when your DWI clients who are out on bond come to talk to you at bars.
Worst part of blacking out... Waking up and having to do the teeth check
All of my Tinder matches have neck tattoos. It's like God wants me to go to jail again.
She deliberately backed into the homewrecker's whoremobile and yelled ""FOR SPARTA!"
I googled my name and pictures of you drinking showed up. Way to steal my thunder....
hey, just so we're clear, next time we go swimming drunk at my house, we have to use the floating chairs instead of my mattress. i'm not sure how to get it out of the pool.
Randomize
