I just discovered how perfect a shot glass is for putting your chicken nugget dipping sauces into. Like I'll probably do this when I'm a mother feeding my children.
Pre-order weed for 4/20 and i'll give you a discount.
That's a really weird place to spoon. Especially if there are more accessible places to spoon. Like a bathtub.
Can you send me the video of that girl that got arrested last night? I'm gonna try and hit that and I need something to break the ice with.
He just told me he's been drinking vodka at work all day. I'm starting to believe in soul mates.
I an in a belgian bar and i cant understand shit. Trying to talk to strangers. Getting drunk until we all speak the same language. Brace for updates.
He leaned over in the middle of the movie and said "My dick's name is Juan". WHO DOES THAT?
Seriously! We need to take her a thank you note or something. She puts up with the drugs and the extremely loud sex. She deserves a thank you card.
Next time you have him paint you an outfit so you can do you walk the street naked TAKE A SHOWER BEFORE YOU GET IN THE BED. MY sheets look like like an acid trip
Well, i'm not hugging a bag of cheetos and crying while I watch Friends wishing that we were Ross and Rachel. So clearly I'might doing better than last night.
They offered me pot brownies in 7 minutes flat. Imagine my horror when I had to be like, are those gluten free?
Holy fuck, my entire boob is bruised! Lierally my boob is just one big bruise.
I'm naked and there are two trees and a yield sign
Be right there
he told me I was hypnotizing him with my mouth so I guess I do give good head
My dad just invited me to smoke a blunt with him. Parent-child bonding at its finest (and highest).
Randomize
