that was you who tried to jump in front of my car in the monkey suit wasnt it
I misunderstood what a furry was. Come pick me up.
WHO THE FUCK TAGS THEMSELVES AT COUNTY JAIL?!?!
I swear that when we jog in the morning I can hear it slap between his thighs
In honor of today being Sunday I am day drinking and watching Grey's Anatomy all day. ALL DAY.
Maybe. I want to have sex at the fire station, most likely on one of the trucks. I wonder if I can finagle that before I tire of the spelling and grammatical errors in his texts.
Holy shit, just saw a girl in the library smoking a bong disguised as a calculator
I never thought I could be this turned on by a man wearing racoon tails.
I really need to curb my attractions to blondes with tattoo sleeves, firearms and alcoholism
There was one thing about my NYC trip I forgot to tell you: I took a dump in Trump Tower
someone commented on last weekends photos impressed that so many homeless people wanted to take pictures with us. weird that those "homeless people" are our friends... right?
If I end up in the hospital remind me to order jimmy johns.
Why?
They deliver.
I sent him home with blood on his fingers and shame in his heart.
I ended up sleeping with him in a public bathroom because neither of us remembered where we lived. I have hit a new low.
Apparently I gave a guy a hand job on the dance floor. ON THE DANCE FLOOR.
Randomize
