I opened my browser to a doctor page titled "serious pain under left side of ribcage". Last night must have been healthy.
drunk pissing on my closed toilet lid is actually quite a sobering experience
yes, we have a friends with benefits thing. i found out he had never 69'd, done anal or had a threesome. i told him i was going to rock his world.
and what did he say?
there were no words. he looked like a kid on christmas morning.
I'm having horrible flashbacks of being groped by Pauly Shore.
like a dude with a badge in a golf cart is gunna do shit. Unless he has a tazer. Then it's fair game.
MASS TEXT: who ever dared Todd to suck on the Clorox wipes last night.. good goin jackass. you can come visit him, hes in room 266, AFTER hes done getting his stomach pumped.
HE DARED ME TO DARE HIM... DONT PUT THAT ON ME.
I don't really know how to say this, but I have an oven mitt to return to you tomorrow..
I decided I'm going to give him a celebratory fuck for his accomplishments. Knocked on his door, handed him some condoms and said "I'll be over tonight with sex and booze"
I want to be you.
This is literally engraved into my seat "Need crack?" And then there's a number. This isn't real.
Can I write your parents a thank-you note for your huge dick?
One of the annoying girls in my 7 AM class showed up drunk for her 21st birthday and just auctioned off her fake ID.
You tried to run away last night. The neighbors brought you back.you were in their hot tub again. This needs to stop
Sometimes, it’s important to take a moment and kinkshame yourself.
You some how ended up sleeping on one of the beams that run along the ceiling of your house
Chasing shots with airborne.. Gonna get rid of my sickness and my soberness.
Randomize
