His internet searches, listed chronologically: sex slave, volunteer sex slave, lava
I woke up in a house cuddled up with a beagle on a futon. have no idea who anyone is but they all call me stretch. yeaaahhh boiiiiii
I decided to name her "day after thanksgiving" because I am sure I just got someone elses leftovers.
every time you want to hook up with a guy who has a girl friend, i'll just give you a freshman
i wish the dell website had a "did you drink an entire bottle of rum and stepped on your laptop which shattered the screen this weekend and would like to know how to fix it without your parents finding out FAST?" link on their homepage.. i can't be the only one
These headphones make me feel like I'm sitting on John Mayers lap and he's singing just to me. I picture like a pitch black room with a single spotlight on us. Also, convinced Kyle to give me percocet soo.
He was singing Justin Beiber while we did it. I love secure Spanish men
I see you've set aside this special time to humiliate yourself in public.
I think I'm still drunk and I think you were in my dream (sadly, it was not a sexual bill murray one).
I've honestly never felt so much emotion towards a wall
I was super naked---except I kept my shoes on, because I'm a lady, and I was bent over a bar.
Sensing a theme here
If alcoholism is a theme, yes.
I balled in the shower for 20 minutes, rolled up to the meeting late looking like a gremlin, and my one night stand was standing there in a suit
Just got a handjob in the hospital
A new low.
Is constant horniness a medical condition? Because a husband, a boyfriend and an office side piece should be enough penis for one girl - but they’re not :-(
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