I just found that girl ____ on facebook, her activities include "church nursery" yikes
ok so I'm texting you now like I promised instead of drunktexting aaron and telling him how badly I want his cock tonight. aren't you proud?
this is Aaron, hi
Nothing ruins a good sext like too many emoticons
i walked in and you were spoon feeding your sister grape juice out of a tupperware.
Are taco bell cups microwave safe? I can't make that judgement right now
I was able to hide the fact that I had just shit in my pants, and then wupped her ass at FIFA
We had sex twice and at Wendy's how dare you diminish that.
seriously the second he called my tits warlocks was the second I knew I wasn't going to fuck him.
He is more interested in finding his sweater than he is in having sex with me. It better be a great fucking sweater.
Hey it's Males-You-Probably-Wish-You-Hadnt-Had-Sex-With Monday. MYPWYHHSWM
if i get arrested im counting on you to get a picture of it
It's 5am and I come home to you naked on the kitchen table and 3 people I never saw before fucking on the back porch ... and my weed gummy worms are gone. fuck you I'm taking your mom's offer
you could be the only one getting laid right now....yet your sitting in here making goat noises
Well, why would you bring gelado into a strip club?
How do I tell my boss I have slutty fantasies about him, me and his conference room table?
Randomize
