What are we going to do tonight?
What we try to do every night. Take over the world
Is there a tactful way for me to ask a girl to let me know when she gets her period?
Went to gas station for smokes. three cops pulled in. got gas i didn't need. found diff gas station.
good choice.
Why does everyone think all I do is drink? I go to class on wednesdays
dont seek real advice from me tonight cause its always gonna end with we should have sex
Clearly, I'm already going to hell, so there's no point in trying anymore.
Ok, maybe I don't want to know what happened last night... But somehow I guess I moved the oven.
I decided I'm going to give him a celebratory fuck for his accomplishments. Knocked on his door, handed him some condoms and said "I'll be over tonight with sex and booze"
I want to be you.
Yea there's blood all over the porch but we wont have to buy alcohol for the rest of the week
its amazing there are so many photos of me and him separately, since most of that party time was spent sneaking away to fuck upstairs...
No. I'm drinking straight up vodka right now. With a pineapple in it.
That'll put some boobs in that bra.
I didn't even realize I grinded on a security guard last night. Shit. Did he at least like it?
I stopped him mid keg stand to show him how cute my bra was...
It was fine. Until I accidentally shit on his floor.
6 hours ago I jacked off a a guy for $100. I explained it away as "compensation" for gas and tolls. WHAT am I doing with my life? Quickest and easiest $100 I ever made though, haha
Randomize
