i thought he was 22...he said he was 25..he was 19...im 26..it doesnt count if you dont know right?
He toold me that when we were younger I was his boner buddy.
Do you ever look at a vegetable and think "that would be awesome to shove up my vagina"?
I don't think the TSA agent thought getting iced while searching my bag was as funny as I did.
See, not all bad decisions involve my penis.
My roommate's all sad and is crying and the chick I want to bang is in the room and Nic Cage is on fire. What the fuck.
He told me to put on my big boy pants, then take them off and fuck her before he smacks me with a chair. His pep talks suck.
i repeatedly had to ask him if he was into this because he kept talking about random things while i jerked him off. i got annoyed and in order to annoy him back, i told him i wanted to watch him do it. he also talked about basketball WHILE cumming. NEVER AGAIN.
I just soaked a sugar cookie in nail polish remover to clean off my nails because I was too lazy to walk to the bathroom to get a cotton ball. Is this what rock bottom feels like?
Oh my god, it's like someone broke the off button in my butthole
Spoiler alert: my plans for Halloween are going to make our dealer's birthday look like a bunch of mormon ladies having a scrapbooking circle
The uber man and I sat in silence. With my underwear in my purse and my dress shoved in the pocket of the hoodie the guy gave me.
is it bad that I see hot guys I wanna sleep with as challenges instead of actual people?
yes. but it works for you
What are you bringing to class tomorrow?
sorrow
Legit sprained my cooter. No joke. Icing her down as we speak.
Randomize
