hook me up with the drugs dog keep up the good work
Never write on a napkin "my face, your boobs" with your phone number and give it to a girl. Just a tip of the day from my nightly experiences lol.
We need to hang out more often
He won't talk to me. He'll only communicate using scissors
Remember the time we were horrifically hung over, went to mcdonalds, an you merely felt the weight of the mcnuggets box and knew there was an extra?
like it was yesterday
Escaped ambulance. Meet me at your apartment.
There is a hole in her door about 2 inch in diameter. You may see me on YouPorn
There are two things I love in this world. Dick and cats. Why can't I just have dick and cats forever
Signs of a stoner: trying everything in your fridge topped with peanut butter to seek satisfaction.
Being engaged is strange. I looked at my cock this morning and said, "we did alright these last 32 years, right?"
I haven't had an orgasm since 2014. So you cam see why I'm having a bad year.
...Just hit my fuck buddy with my car.
We told him to puke in the Denny's parking lot or we wouldn't be his friend anymore. So he did. He wasn't even drunk.
theres a girl in the library eating whip cream out of a starbucks cup... only whip cream, im way to high for this shit
My mom said "I saw the signs you guys were high, so I made the spaghetti"....so ya, I'd say she definitely knew
One lesson I've learned so far from college: You've always got time for one more shot. Always
Randomize
