I just spilled my beer all over my laptop.. this is what i get for actually trying to do homework
So how was awkward coffee with forgets-your-name?
so we were having anal, both very very drunk when he started shouting his roomates name
Sorry about all the noise last night. We were trying to break bottles by kicking soccer balls at them. If it's any consolation, there's shattered glass and blood all over my kitchen.
He' s half Black and half Italian, I finally asked...this penis maybe one for the records.
Another night, another sound of my neighbor almost having an orgasm.
And she used to have such long ones. Sad.
tolerance is too high. going on a liquor strike. ghandi style.
don't think this is any sort of attachment thing but if I'm going to throw up regularly at your house, I'm going to keep a tooth brush there
Shouldn't have fucked on the top bunk, I bounced so high my hair got caught in the ceiling fan and almost broke my neck.
I'm your Election Erection Connection
I retroactively revoke all sex we've ever had.
Dude, she had a pound of gunpowder in her closet. I for sure got a fear boner.
I just puked on a sprinkler…Motherfucker tried to spray me
Fuck. I did it again. I plugged in my toaster and walked away thinking it needed to preheat. I am dumb.
"Why is there a bottle of Tequila taped to the fan?"
I woke up with an eye patch on, someone else's sweatshirt on, and no pants on. I hope it was a good night.
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