i permit you to call me
True true and the only thing that will burn more than the vodka we will consume is the shame in our loved one's eyes
And yet we make it a tradition to get inappropriately drunk at family functions. We amaze me.
At least it's not a funeral this time... I feel we're making improvements.
He wouldnt get hard, then started talking about his ex wife. I literally rolled over and started to cry
Just heard a guy discussing with someone else the amazing blow job you gave him. I’m in New York. Over 2 hours away from where you live. I have never been more proud.
Life is so much better when you know you're gonna get laid soon.
I'm starting to blur the boundary between reasonable senioritis and self-destruction. Somewhat-openly hittin the flask in 11am class
Please make the clown in the corner stop judging me. I mean he's the one with paint on his face. I don't need him judge judying me.
She just asked me if I was looser "in the vagina" than her. While gyrating.
I just did the walk of shame..with a blanket and a cup that says i will out drink all you bitches. This was not how i pictured 25.
Please tell me you aren't concussed from dancing on the stripper pole
GOIN TO BED BEFORE TEQUILA BLEEDS FROM MY EYEBALLS
Let's stay in this weekend and play drinking games to the Winter Olympics.
As long as we can drink anytime we see a stray dog, mafia looking Russian or double toilet.
I think I've been inadvertently participating in a contest to see how many times I can show up to work hungover in my first year of teaching. And I'm the only participant. Not sure if I'm winning or losing.
Everything is covered in gelatin and pam cooking spray. Jesus be a shield.
still can't believe dude took a personal call while he was balls deep in my mouth.
Randomize
