So he thought it would be a nice gesture to show me his list of girls he fucked. There was 70. We then went through and put "V"'s next to all the ones that were virgins...
taking a shot every time they compare curling to a real sport
I love online classes. Spent the last part of my lecture taking apart a teabag and filling it with weed.
Nope. She just screamed at me "YOU WERE A FAILED ABORTION" and "I'LL PUT ANTHRAX IN YOUR PILLOW YOU LITTLE FUCK". Best mother award ever
Well regardless of where or with who you will be blacking out and i will be pouring shots down ur throat like a baby bird
all 3 of us brought blondes home last night. all 3 are passed out. we're gonna switch rooms and see how long until one of them notices.
Got into Princeton. So excited about the mommy-issue-over-achieving-cock I get to ride the next 4 years!!!
Shawn wouldn't stop singing about his cock on the ride home that night it freaked my girlfriend out how consistent he was
I only get hit on by people going through their midlife crisis. Yes, I did purposely write that gender neutral.
I swear to god if you keep eating my cats food drunk I am going to kick you out of our apartment.
Just did. I played that shit out so casual I deserve an Oscar. Or am Emmy, or whatever the fuck you get for acting like a boss
Please don't explain what tea bagging is to my mother.
I think I just got drunk texted by my psychiatrist
Too hungover to brush my teeth. took a swig of menthol schnapps instead. lazy or incredibly efficient?
Youre my hero
St. Patty's shenanigans tmrw? I wanna meet dudes lol. Why stop at coronavirus when you can get the clap, too?
Randomize
