drugs are my only escape from this reality. good thing I got it at a discount price last night
And then he said "my dick isn't hard enough and your tits aren't big enough for this to work"
after he came i started crying. just to fuck with his head.
yeah he couldn't walk in a straight line and started throwing up and told the cop he just has an astigmatism
i just got on a party bus. i think i left my belly button at the bar.
I performed "get broken glass out of my shoulder" surgery last night... Drunk, with a what-a-burger straw.
Not sure if it is a new high or new low, but i left a basket on the porch of the sorority I woke up at. It had a description of the Minnie Mouse I woke up next to, and Plan B.
My only expectation is honesty. And three orgasms every time.
I just woke up in bed, rolled over, and found a whole pizza.
this is the second day in a row.
Oh. Yeah. It's the same pizza then.
This Halloween will be different. I'm just here to get shitfaced, not troll around looking for slutty nun pussy.
You tried to bite my nipple like 3 times
NAh son
Just general bites
and you fell through a lawn chair
Text me some of your sweat
So, is Canada considered an excessive distance to go for a booty call? Asking for a friend...
Why do so many fanfic writers want to see hockey players get pregnant?
Randomize