first i yelled "you cant get it up?" and then in the middle of it i opened a Corona
i hate that site..its like every vagina you dont wanna see
Turns out you're obligated under man law to share any passwords you may have for porno sites
Is that what they're teaching u at that bar review class?
she said she missed her period, but is going to six flags... think im safe?
okay, this is the fifth time he asked if it was in yet. maybe i shouldn't have dated a blind guy.
8am blowjobs give a whole new meaning to morning breath..
Im dancing with my grandma to Low right now at the wedding. There's no coming back from this.
i went to throw her on my bed and threw her straight in to my bike
So yeah she lost her virginity in a wheel chair with a broken pelvis. I'm still trying to figure out how I should feel about that.
Thank you for calling me on to a higher level of debauchery. fuck anyone who says we aren't good for each other
Facebook stalking ex-girlfriends who went to rehab. This is my life.
The fact that there are multiple ex-girlfriends who have been to rehab concerns me
Dude, did you fall in a toilet on the way over here?
Was face down in one actually. Bars 2, Drew 0.
you and him went to the park at 2am to "catch a pigeon" and ACTUALLY CAME BACK WITH A PIGEON
I woke up and sent him a text that said 'I'm sorry forever'
Something I never want to forget. I'm in a porta potty and she is outside knocking on the door going "You're a queen. You're a queen. Never think any different"
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