We just all danced like dinosaurs in the center of the dance floor.
my boob sweat smells like rotting zombie flesh
is this your pickup line?
Using Dr. Seuss quotes to ask me how badly I want your penis is not appropriate.
hey remember that 14 year old i met 5 years ago who i said i would bang 5 years from then?
Yup.
me neither. i remember bell pepper tequila but not why or yelling
Hahaha, I forgot about doing shots out of the bell pepper
when i tried to put the condom on he started screaming about how he didn't want his groceries bagged
Just had a random flashback of you tickling some guy's nipple with your claw ring, and then him moaning and stripping in the middle of the bar. You give good memories.
The funny thing is, we kinda did bring guys home cause you had a fort...
So ran into your ex from sophomore year last night... Apparently hes gay and a stripper now. we all got lap dances because we knew you
How do I tell your little brother I lost my virginity wearing nothing but his socks?
Formal letter or email.
My new roommate is awesome. His father owns a bar and his sister has an E cup. I'm going to be with him forever
we got stoned then he started showing me how to make his penis look like a hamburger...if that's not true love idk what love is
A party without a piñata is not a party I want to attend.
I just made my dating life into my own game show. would you like to meet the contestants? (photos not included)
Just waxed 95% of the hair off my vag. If he doesn't enjoy this tonight, you will, whether you like it or not.
Randomize
