Goodnight sugar queer
Sugar queer??
Why does my predictive text prioritize 'queer' over 'puffs'?
Who was that guy you went home with?
Hang on, I'm trying to ask his name right now.
Dude, smoked out of a pumpkin tonight. I like Halloween more now
I asked you how much you drank and you replied with "I don't know what kind of toothpaste I use."
My roommate made me go home after I mooed at fat girls at the gas station.
Its only fair we share our golden vaginas with the world. It would be selfish if we didn't.
I just wanted to give you a heads up. There's a crab in the kitchen. He doesn't have a name yet. We are just calling him crab for now. Oh! and we have memosas!
I was passed out on the dog bed yelling "I UNDERSTAND"
Rachel and his cat watched us 69 last night. I pretended to be embarrassed the next day... But to be honest I like an audience
you took a potato out of your pocket and just started eating it raw. don't know where the potato came from though
21st birthday = success
I saved him in my phone as "Well-Hung Burrito Savior." I love Taco Tuesday.
Crying on the toilet and taking a shit. This is what being an adult is about
I just threw up a strange neon green substance. Did I eat a glow stick last night?
i pushed adam in a shopping cart for 15 blocks, then we realized we left tyler downtown
did you go back and get him?
nah we went to a karaoke bar instead, so worth it
Should I bring my 4 pairs of bunny ears? Or is that too weird?
4 pairs might be a bit much
Randomize
