All I have in my fridge is chocolate cake, pizza, spicy mayo sauce, beer, and weed. I love college
My favorite part was walking in the bathroom, you fixing yourself in the mirror, calling your reflection a fag, then throwing a haymaker into the paper towel dispenser before going back out to the bar.
you wanted the guy to gift wrap the condoms
I kept pulling the $1 bills off the stage and told everyone "no no no she has to work for this money"
i walked outside and you were driving up the stairs to her apartment
We just taught the Brazilian how to smoke out of a vuvuzela.
You slid down the wall and got into the fetal position. He was definitely judging... I was judging....
I don't need you anyway! I have puppies and booze!
Dude if i sent you a picture of the inside of my fridge would you be able to break down and explain everything that was in it?
I don't know what happened this summer, I've lost my sense of morality. All I do now is work, get drunk, and have sex near national landmarks.
I'm sending you a dick pic. Ill tell the other ppl in this pancheros its cool
Don't send a pic of dick unless it's inside the burrito
Just rode a bull topless for a free bar tap for a month
I TAUGHT HER CAT TO SIT. CATS DON'T FUCKING SIT ON COMMAND. BUT THIS ONE DID!
It's basically my crowning achievement.
From now on he's gonna have to shave first. It feels like I got eaten out by a chainsaw!
I had Mac n cheese made with weed butter last night. Epic
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