goodnight i made you a song goodbye
You can't like Harry Potter and Twilight. You have to pick. Vampires and Wizards are mutually exclusive.
Note to self: Not getting laid all weekend makes girls in mondays classes racks seem enormously bigger.
Dude, smoked out of a pumpkin tonight. I like Halloween more now
Im debating on how to word my craigslist post so i dont get arrested...
And then I learned that we are dating when I said it's out of line to bring fuck buddies home to meet the parents. And then I was single.
Someone was asleep on the couch next to us and woke up. We paused and he yelled "gentlemen, behold! Sex!"
We had hangover sex and then I called a taxi home. Told him I didn't want his number because, if it was meant to be, we would fuck again. He called me the queen of one night stands.
Wasn't his fault he kicked a hole in the wall, they should have never tried to give him a bath after tequila.
We're getting paid a considerable amount of money to send each other pictures of our dicks...
Im breaking out the trunk vodka tonight, its been aged to perfection.
I see you met someone special
I sign my lease Thursday, I'm about to be released back into the wild.
I'll make missing person signs.
You're a good friend.
I think I just found my soul mate...he's wearing a zebra striped onesie and is into Michael Jackson...I'll explain in the morning.
Oral stamina is what keeps life exciting
Ugh hungover at a laundromat is a terrible feeling. For some reason I keep getting sucked into staring at the clothes spinning around and around and it makes me want to profusely projectile vomit everywhere
Randomize
