I'm afraid we're only dating because we're too lazy to look for anyone else.
I cont stop tolking in a british axsent
I know its small, but please -- stop calling it my "weenis".
And no, shaving doesn't make it look bigger, either
I can't. He's too cute and my tongue is too long.
WHATEVER CLASS IS PLAYING "TOOT IT AND BOOT IT" AT 8:30 IN THE MORNING, I WANT IN.
hey you knew what you were in for when i showed up with 2 fifths of Jim. plus i left money to pay for a new sink
The last thing I remember is your grandma calling me a pussy and taking my shot for me. Your family is awesome.
Even completely stoned shes amazing on the piano. There are like 7 people sitting on the ground listening to her like she's the messiah.
I've reached the gravitational age where it's very hard to get my face and my boobs in the same shot without some kind of yoga involved .
I just figured out how I'm going to tie you to my bed. Hint: I may have to go to the auto parts store before you get here.
That sounds promising. I'm twerking to human nature.
Sent him a snap chat of him eating me out so he can relive the moment.
dude, she has my telletubby sweats and my good sweatshirt hostage, I can't risk their safety with a breakup
I woke up with a chicken in my yard
Do you not remember hopping the fence into a chicken coop and screaming "choot em'"like you were on swamp people?
No recollection, can you come help me shut this thing up
Randomize
