Can we switch to phone sex? This is starting to get awkward...
So you started off by saying "no homo," but patting his crotch and saying his jeans fit him wonderfully may have overshadowed that.
she went to type in rate my professors and rate my pussy came up in my recent searches. needless to say, i will likely be masturbating to the aforementioned site tonight.
I just sat in the Taco Bell drive-thru waiting for a trash can to take my order. Yes, that high.
3rd rule of buttsex she must be clean and shower recently
and skipped dinner
I've done unspeakable things to your penis. I have every right to give it a name.
Btw...I puked in my hand last night and threw it on the floor. Don't let me do tequila ever again.
I need something for rope burns and an inner ear infection. Separate incidents, FYI..
My friend asked me if I got home okay and I replied "Glad teat. Goodnight." Usually I can translate drunk me, but I'm even lost on that one.
this new dose of ADD meds is totally being waisted with the unemployed new graduate thing if only I could add my hyper focused side effects to a coverletter
I just had a sex dream about orange juice, so there's that.
How high were you when you left that message, cause you made honest-to-God, credible seal noises.
It's times when I'm naked but also want to be platonically social that I miss you the most.
he's like crack. I can't be in the same room with him while drunk and not do him.
Idk, apparently drinking five Four Loko's and trying to fight a mailbox constitutes disorderly conduct.
Randomize
