All the walks of shame were condensed into the hour before parents started showing up. Move out day is so bittersweet
she insisted that i refer to her boobs by name.
would he be offended if i told him that "national coming out day" is october 11. thats subtle enough right?
There's a warrant out for his arrest for throwing a mannequin through a bus stop.
Leaving someone plastered on a corner at 3am telling them to just scream for cock is NOT being a good wingman.
He has in a pan: ten pieces of bacon, two cloves of garlic, an egg (not scrambled or hard boiled, just an egg) and frozen corn.
Why do I have a missed call from "The Anaconda" ?
My family will be here in an hour and I'm deciding between doing my makeup or saying fuck it and wearing what's left of last night's...
I'm scared to see what happens if we keep winning like this. I don't think there enough livers for every one after the season is over.
People spilled so much that there was a thin film of beer on the floor. You took a running start, screamed, "SLIP AND SLIDE!" and slid face first through the drywall.
Friendly reminder that on the walk home you tripped but instead of falling to the sidewalk, you tried to save it and ended up headbutting my ex-boyfriend in the balls. ILU.
I told him if he cums in my mouth he has to buy me a cake that says "sorry I came in your mouth"
I just watched this dude try to convince this girl to go home with him. She was like, That's cute, you're cute.and she just walked away. Man I'm so not drunk enough to be around this level of sad.
Apparently he got pepper spray on his dick. So he's a literal fire crotch.
Hope everything goes ok. If it makes you feel better, I straightened vomit into my hair and killed a bird earlier.
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