i wanted to sleep on a waterbed so i filled up my bathtub so i could fall asleep in it...
just prayed to lady gaga in hopes it will help me pass my fashion merchandising final...what is my life?
I woke up in the penthouse and did lines off the to of the fireplace. This is not real.
in case you havent found it already in honor of Toy story 3 we wrote ANDY on the bottom of your foot while you were passed out on the couch.
Ok the fact that you know THAT phrase perfectly is terrifying. You just proved you can slut it up in mulitiple languages.
we smoked out of your homemade aunt jamima bong
I don't want the last thing I hear while alive to be Jesse's Girl
Miller High Life will be the death of me. Well, that and shower sex.
BTW send me your address and size of condoms you wish your lover was-- "if you build it, they will come"
I have a vague memory of you tryin to ride a unicycle through jimmy johns
I just wish my penis was a person so I could give him a high five.
He said he was a banker. Then he told me he made 15 an hour. I said he was a shitty banker then fucked his friend.
Like these jerks could have told me it wasn't a video call, I wouldn't have put on pants.
It took 5 bourbons for him to handcuff and spank me and then he cried after sex. The men that like me are so unstable.
Bro I just got a hand job playing tiny wings.. Hell yea
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