Omg I just drooled on the screen of my phone from smiling with my mouth open while textin bahahahaahah
i'm pleased to announce i can now open a bottle of wine with my shoe if called upon to do so.
Well, if they're both my boyfriend.. Then i cheated on both of them.
He must be back home now. He moved his box of beer from her porch to ours.
what the fuck a piece of candy corn just came out of her nose
she has a fucking refrigerator full of four loko and is charging 15 dollars a can.... she is like a mini donald trump
Dude's from Puerto Rico. Majoring in Spanish is like us majoring in drinking with a minor in watching Forgetting Sarah Marshall.
This baby is an asshole
Well I'm currently debating between getting toilet paper or getting my eyebrows waxed so... There's that
Please tell me that chemistry equipment is for chemistry and not for producing felonies.
Yeah I had this grand plan to bring flaming dr pepper shots to some girls and say "these shots are hot, but not as hot as you" but instead I lit the bar on fire
Where are you on a scale from one to wasted?
Like alphabetically I'd say a v
Topless Tuesday? One of us will be really happy the other not so much.
She's Jesus crazy. And one if not more other forms of crazy. She's 2.5+ crazy.
your mission the party friday: cockblock me at ALL costs. I've cheated on my boyfriend twice. I feel like three times would be crossing some sort of line...
and no, I don't care how how hot he is
Randomize
