She was like a white Oprah, but with less conviction.
he just spelled fiance, "pheancie". I dont think he's ready to get married.
U just looked at me and said "wake me up when I'm done eating"
I woke up with a half eaten bag of lettuce in my hand, wearing my Halloween costume from last year. Damn you tequila.
Think I pulled my pelvic muscle.
I think I pulled my ashamed of myself muscle.
I don't want to die alone with cake watching shows about cake
I was expecting it to be of the "I am your vagina's reckoning" caliber.
I consider myself to be an upstream bisexual
You're the salmon of the gays...
Found an old burrito under my bed
You are a sick fuck
I'm hungover laying in my moms bed watching Space Jam.. Adult Life..
and it's like......my shirt is off and he's talking about quidditch. why.
I had one beer! ONE BEER! They took shots in mourning of my tolerance last night. My ability to drink is a joke.
He got up in the middle of the show and returned with this massive ham shank, then offered me some by asking "wanna suckle on my hog." Should I be offended?
And Mike keeps telling Will that love at first sight is true and this is just a shit show. Help.
I'm at the drive thru window, five minutes out. If the bathtub is empty or you're dressed when I arrive I'm not sharing.
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