he spent the whole night trying to convince me into a2m. i won't even use the pb til i clean the jelly knife. i love him but it's not going to happen.
I tried ok? my penis just doesnt like her as much as my mother does
In other news I saw a pack of make believe zombies walking down green st.
gotta love wednesdays
I'm walking down the street with a Starbucks in one hand and a flask in the other. People seem to have a staring problem
The preggo girl brought her pet chipmunk to class today. fyi.
she got the salsa and pickles out of the fridge looked at me and said what can i make with this
It was either the harsh truths I was divulging or the liquor..... But either way, I made mom puke
The guy at the Apple store said the warranty does NOT cover getting cum out of the keyboard. I can't believe I believed you.
Maybe her vagina is like a vacuum
I can't decide if that would be a good or bad thing. I'm leaning toward good
Yeah when I texted her last night the only response I got was "stoned eating cobbler."
Better safe and shitfaced than hungover and in need of another surgery.
When he's drowning in your chest and he muffles out the words 'I just want to live here' that's a compliment right?
Dude so help me god I WILL weigh a penis one day
She said she was sorry for rolling around in her own vomit. Honestly, I thought it really added to the party.
Just used a NyQuil cup to take a shot. This night is headed nowhere good.
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