Wasted at the beach. Toasting underage, overdeveloped girls. God bless 'em.
At this point it has been so long i wouldnt know what a dick was if it slapped me in the face.
Its piss that you smell... I borrowed that shirt last week. Sooo, wanna grab some laundry soap on your way home? And good luck on your date.
Just pulled over to throw up in a day care parking lot while the kids were outside playing. The adults were mortified.
No, I stopped taking my meds because I like crazy me better
WHY are the edges of my bra charred???
On a scale of one to everyone dying I say let's aim for a 7
it's ok. he made up for it by standing there and holding my purse while i made out with three guys at the bar. it was a pretty good night.
He wanted to drink hypnotic from my butt crack. I need to move out this state.
Sometimes turtles just really trip me out man
No feeling is better than coming home from your booty call and putting on a fresh pair of granny panties
If you could come do me into like a 12 hour coma that'd be great
Dude I am a waste of space, I just febreezed myself so I could go out and get lunch
You kept calling yourself a spider monkey... Then ran to the bathroom to "prepare for the main event"
I’m sorry my lady boner messed up your mojo!!
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