I don't make mistakes...just understandable bad choices.
Btw the nut in my hair goes great with my outfit !!! :(
my boyfriend just named your boyfriend's penis.
I'm sorry..where i come from learning how to exploit a wealthy middle aged man is a right of passage
The project manager just came into talk to me for the first time and I had justed googled best drum solo ever and couldn't X out of the screen.
Seriously. Doesn't matter if I went out last night, work is like crafts class w.a side of facebook
You owe me a new pair of headphones. You plugged mine into the top of a mustard bottle.
You crossed every boundary on the boundary spectrum last night. You're like the illegal immigrant of drunk actions. No more holiday drinking for you.
when i saw his roomate the next night he kept openly referring to me as "the girl who orgasms loud" when he would try to get my attention
He makes me want to shower. It must be love.
Kristy just reminded me that I have a bottle of champagne to lick off your ass hole...... This is by way of saying that we have plans on Friday.
The second time he came it projectile shot in my ear
We were in a spooning position and it shot all the way up. He was like sorry. Physics.
If someone made a breakfast cereal that was a cross between lucky charms and fruity pebbles and called it unicorn power with a huge fucking rainbow and a unicorn standing in a pot of gold on the box, they would be rich. Not only monetarily but spiritually as well...
I hid a TracFone in her bra. We'll find her tomorrow.
You caught me at a bad time. I'm stoned enough that I'm ready to sleep but also not stoned enough that I wanna smoke again but also stoned enough to not wanna drive anywhere
Randomize
