so...dinner was kid's cuisine and a bottle of wine. i think they go well together.
just got a rotting pancake and bacon in the mail from your address....
I don't know why girls would even talk to someone as drunk as I was.
I couldn't accept the bj. My penis has done nothing wrong and didn't deserve the punishment of her face.
Well when you're drinking tequila mixed with water out of a steve Austin cup I really don't think acquiring a straw is your main priority
Just woke up next to our cab driver from last night. Please tell me this isn't happening.
That's why I don't chug things. Because when I was a freshman in college tequila came out my nose.
I just passed a drug test. I want to shout that from the top of a mountain. Can we have beers on the top of a mountain?
I have bruises from doing the splits on the poles, if that doesn't scream bourbon street regret then I don't know what does
We could have a classy candlelight sonic dinner with fireball cocktails if you leave now. Twat tickler centerpieces.
it was one of those unspoken contracts of silence like "I teach your daughter and you work at a strip club"...I don't tell if you don't
i woke up in just my thong, face first on my bed with all the lights on. how hungover do you think i felt?
how soon in a friendship can you start calling them a motherfucker
Maybe if you would fuck your boss you would get string cheese too
What's the protocol for doing tequila shots at a baseball game when you're chaperoning for a church group? You know, hypothetically.
Randomize
