I just tried to drunkenly fart the beat of Disturbia by Rihanna
No, asshole. I'm not gay. But if I was I think I would do better than fucking Nick Lachey.
How did people poop without Blackberrys?
Motorola Razers?
Stone age, man.
Haha so I huess that means he's a little over 7. I can use my throat as a ruler!!
One less school supply you need to buy!!
Dammit. I drunkenly drank all my milk at 6 AM in a misguided stupor to prevent my roommates from stealing my milk.
I cannot tell if the couch is cold or I spilled beer. THAT kind of night.
Would you wanna look up as you cum and for a split-second see your dad?
I feel like these arent even my fingers anymore
Got another job?
If by job you mean clever way of getting free tattoos, then yes. I got another job.
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but a penn state hat. We are....
I haven't heard from him yet. He's either still asleep (which is entirely plausible..... There wasn't much sleeping happening last night) or he's robbing me blind. But I have renters insurance, so either way, I'm ok with it.
this periodpocalypse needs to be over. I need head
Yeah, but having a dick this size has ruined 3 marriages.
If we hadn't just agreed to no commitment, i'd totally propose right now. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
New life goal: Sex in a parking lot surrounded by a circle of fire.
Randomize
