I have this horrible feeling I'm going to blackout tonight & only be able to say 'wasabi bobby' over & over again.
I just farted at work and tried to cover up the noise by shuffling papers around
I need to stop hooking up with boys in my major. three boys in one class is just a litttle too awkward.
is it too early in the day to continue our conversation about penis shapes?
I was pretending that it wasn't happening. Until we had to roll down the windows as she was vomiting apologies into a Target bag.
That little tingle vodka gives me in my esphagus is what lets me know I'm still alive.
You stuck your entire fist into a full jar of peanut butter and starting assaulting people
I've thrown up twice at work. Just casually, in the mop sink. Then continued to make someone a milkshake. Want some ice cream?
Tell Taylor to rock on. Tell her she is so beautiful that the sun shines down on her face and shows her beauty. Tell her to live on, like Martin Luther King. He'll never die. He's living his dreams.
I feel like I'm laying on a pillow cloud. With little baby angel fingers between me and the cloud lifting me up. Singing hymns in my ear.
I'm pretty sure the guy in front of me at Walmart doesn't have good plans. It's one am he is buying a flash light and black bandanna
She must've been waiting down the street cause after I said I specialized in inner-thigh-face-massage it couldn't have been 2 minutes until she was on my couch.
Seriously. If I'd known all it took was a 29 year old UPS guy to make me feel THIS SEXY, I'd have been fucking them for 30 years.
Hungover on St. Patrick's Day. I did this backwards.
"suitors" is just a nice way of her saying "the guys i'm fucking"
Randomize