who do you think you are?
someone who doesn't ask that question
I just woke up to crumpled tissues everywhere. Looks like it was another night filled with tears and semen.
Nick had a break down & said to me "Everybody's mad at me, I'm the douchebag, Im the fucking douchebag that everyone hates, Do you wanna come home with this douchebag?!"
You're going home with him aren't you?
I'll see ya in the morning when I leave his house
So I'm driving and this guy next to me at the stop light is reving his engine and honking at me. Motherfucker thinks that's because I'm asian and drive a honda I'm automatically going to race him
I wrote a list of all my homework due in the next few weeks. I feel I've done enough for tonight.
someone should tell her that easter eggs aren't meant to be dildos.
Everyone is sleeping and i'm sittin here in my iron man mask, watchin chelsea lately and tryin to figure out how to smoke through it.
I have no words
Neither did my mom, when she walked in on me squating with my balls in a cup of hot water.
How did you even find out?
Because you came up to me and said "I just fucked in the bathroom."
Oh.
Well call me tomorrow, it's a great story that may lead to me being fired and/or possibly being buried in a shallow grave somewhere out in wine country.
So somebody asked her is she's okay.She turned around,started running and screamed "Ballet is running through my veins" before doing a small pirouette.It's amazing how she managed not to fall.
Dramatic love triangle! I guess mystery Asian and I will just have to fight it out for your love.
I was grossed out that all their candles smelled like vagina and then I remembered where my fingers had been.
Sorry about the nipples in that snapchat. It was meant for the Australian.
I don't know whether to cheer for the free bourbon, or cry from the screaming children.
Randomize
