He said if I blew him first he'd last longer....if 3 minutes is lasting longer, I'm not sure the bj was worth it
new low: my hungover self just mistook bacon grease for mashed potatoes. worst. mistake. ever.
you pissed in a zip-loc bag and wanted 60 dollars for it
As of tonight I have officially had sex during every Disney movie.
im pretty sure thats the first step to being a pedafile
Changed my mind. Wearing a dress. Casual, with a side of breasts.
We have to give a final comment in english, i think i might say "i learned it's a bad idea to make out with people in your classes who have girlfriends."
You think posting ushers "let it burn" video on his fb page is in bad taste? haha
He was in Alberta for less than a week and is already banned from 6 bars. I fear for his general well-being over there.
We had to leave. Dave knocked a dude out for saying yolo.
He took getting"shit in your neighbors hot tub drunk" way to literally
Fuck I am so excited for the first time I can make someone call me Doctor Nikki during sex after I finish my PhD
My tub is filled with twinkies which would be awesome if they were still wrapped and not floating in a mixture of bath water and what appears to be vomit.
when I type Christina's, my phone's predictive text assumes my next word is boobage
I’m home.
I’m aware. I just dropped you off.
My roommate's overnight guest is screaming about the dog licking his asshole. I need a new place to live.
Randomize
