Yea, forget your mom. She will be home after her one night stand.
apparently i started the naked brigade. and depantsed everyone who wasn't naked. her parents must hate me.
btw im making up a story about these stitches..... i think a hockey stick to the face sounds better then i fell up the stairs
We bonded over blowjobs and stories of our childhoods. It was beautiful.
It's a given that you're going to get peed on at a country concert
Baked and hanging out with Al from Home Improvement's son. You can't make this shit up. Tuh-rippin balls
We tried to hook you up with a girl but you said you'd rather fuck the large muscular black man because "At least he'd be tight". He was the bouncer, he heard you.
We need a full length mirror. I just ate it trying to look at my shoes on the toilet. But aside from a arm bruise I'm good to go
Just so you know, if I get bored tomorrow I WILL pretend to get drunk in the bathroom and crash the whole thing
Btw any and all sexual fantasies or arousal I had about cops is null and void.
Tom just texted me he's Tindering from his hospital bed while they're running heart tests on him.
That's dedication to the game.
Worst way to find out I have a half sister
I left my parents and ran through the airport. I was like I'm not getting stuck in Atlanta tonight and not having sex.
you're telling me you don't want to have sex 30,000 feet above the earth?
Grandma keeps pulling a bottle of captain from her pocket and spiking people's drinks.. She just yelled "I'm DAMN HOT to be a grandma!" .. I LOVE HER.
Randomize
