put your party hat on. and by party hat I mean no panties
did she really think she could get into the club & no one would recognize her from 16 & pregnant???
I walked outside out to find her peeing in her toga with a cigar in one hand and her thong in the other
I saw someone get arrested while I was moving out...this has to be a good sign.
We made a bet that we had to talk like Yoda all night at the bars
I have migrated to the couch. Minimal movement is still happening, but I should be mobile enough to go to the liquor store by eight.......so that good.
NOT EVEN KIDDING RIGHT NOW. THE GUY IN THE SPIDERMAN COSTUME JUST FELL OFF THE ROOF INTO A BABY POOL. GET HERE NOW!!
Dude she hit me with my own penis and it hurt. I've never been cock slapped but she slapped me with my own cock so it has to be worse.
I think that's mostly how we became friends.
Well that, and your desire to put your penis in me.
I was so stoned last night I got into an argument with your voicemail message.
No other way to put this but the dick was not worth him crying for an hour after. No more online hookups.
Didn't know where your dishes went. Put em in the bathtub. They're stacked taller than you. It's like modern art.
Looks like I'm not in the Ashly Madison files. But my wife is.
Did I, at any point last night, say I was dying?
I should stop pointing to my vagina when I say "I'm in charge!"
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