so chris just stuck his hand between rachel's legs and yelled 'TROUT!' and we were like...you're wasted
I wish that guy wasn't missing teeth
just had to explain to the health center why i wanted 50 condoms a month.
It's almost like he dry humped the last remaining bit of good person out of me.
Im just saying it can't be that bad if he drove himself to the er. We'll head that way when we finish playing scattergories
Seriously I will never run in my wedges while drinking racing home to have sex ever again
I LOVE YOU SO MUCH I'M ON A WILD DICK CHASE FOR YOU. How many lesbians do YOU know that would do that? HOW MANY????
Showering in not my own throw up is really hittin the spot right now.
Hey do you eat chocolate chip pancakes with bacon in?
DO NOT MAIL ME A PANCAKE
He said "just hugs" and ran away screaming.
So it may have been laced, sue me.
I just laughed so hard that my back cracked so hard that I thought I was cumming. Magic
He held my hand in public and I nearly came. Like he needs to be inside of me yesterday.
I just had sex on my divorce papers. I've never felt so poetic.
On this version of “Dean Can’t Be a Normal Fucking Human,” I told a guy I’d shove a tv up his ass. Recreationally.
Plasma, LED or OLED?
She has my name on her bucket list. I’m either getting laid or killed
Randomize