I look better un-naked...
i stuck my finger in my ass and it felt weird. but you know. it should be different when a guy does it right?
I got a phone call from security asking me to do my laundry wearing more than a blanket next time.
I WALKED myself out of breath. And I'm lost I'm a Tim Hortons parking lot. That's how hungover I am.
I have a very hazy flashback of me making out with a guy in a seashell bra??! Can you confirm or deny
What are you wearing tonight?
The colors of the winddddddd
Makers Mark. Chicken nuggets in a blender. Smart
You realize your sleeping pills are working when you pick up your iPhone and almost bite it because you thought it was a graham cracker
i just honestly didn't believe you when you said your brother was a fucking clown. ho shit you weren't kidding.
He told me he loved me and then peed his own bed. So at least it was a memorable one night stand.
He sent me a picture of his dick as a snake, I'd say things are going great.
So anyways, we returned the toilet paper and decided to use the money for taco bell and slurpees instead...
I'm doing my accounting homework with my vibrator. Guess whose numbers are balanced on the financial statement? This ladys!
Is this making any sense, because I’m puking and trying to be Philosophical right now
Don't get yourself off tomorrow. We. Are. Having. Sex. That's that. Just dont do it.
Randomize