I mean, he's dancing back and forth between pathetically sad and massively fucking creepy.
Now that I've lowered my makeout age to 21 I have a whole new sea to fish in.
Either I'm spending too much time drinking or my perfume is starting to smell like a pineapple vodka.
I think the multiple Sunday morning sirens outside my window are a plot by the cops to get back at me for the shit we pulled last night. Or I should move to a better area.
I am wearing two different shoes and just swallowed my gum. Wake the fuck up and bang the bartender already.
he got all sad that i was going to fuck his roommate, so i just asked him if it would make him feel better if I let him motor boat me. i am such a saint.
I caved man... I fucked her so vigorously, desperately trying to correct her wonky eye. My determination was relentless.
You are a terrible person.
I just try to be optimistic...
just had to get on my knees to snort an addy off the little sink at the daycare. teacher of the year!
I nicked my vulva while shaving and I'm about to go on a date where I will be having sex. Which bandaid: My Little Pony or princesses?
Plus he is a pilot so I could give him flight dome
If it exists, I've probably pregamed it.
You go to class with the flu but don't go when it rains... Get your shit together
if you and your penis don't hurry up, I'm getting drunk without you.
Other than the whole stab wound in my leg thing, today was pretty good. The nurses all loved me and gave me a sandwich and juice.
We'll handle his penis the same way we handle day drinking; together.
Randomize
