Another night of drunkeness. Maybe I shouldn't have played death pong...
Didn't you just get a DUI last week?
Indeed I did but death didn't stop Jesus now did it
i'm watching degrassi (go figure) and the episode is about jimmy not being able to get a boner and now he's famous and rapping about popping pussies..i dont get it.
I have a very awkward question for you. Could you possibly take my black dildo. My mom wants to clean my room.
They were so loud I wrote them a sex critique and taped it to his door.
The panties match.
I'll be right there.
We can't all go after the girl with the low self-esteem
Yep. Just threw myself a bachelorette party with my coworkers penis before I re-enter the holy order of monogomous relationships.
I was lying there too hungover to move when my dog jumped onto my bed and set half a calzone on my pillow. Best. Dog. Ever.
Why am I feeling up grandma?!
I'm really glad a picture of you as an infant followed this text.
Just assume that every drink in that house has alcohol in it.
Today I found out that my boss keeps a breathalyzer on his desk for just these sort of shenanigans
I woke up to some strange woman rubbing peanut butter on my thighs
So after the absinthe shots_____(fill in the blank area for me please)......
we woke up when the front wall of the house caught fire.
I have to charm this cab driver. Hold on.
Randomize