Why did you put hummus in my pillow case?
at what point did you see referring to the bartender as 'the white precious' a good idea??
I know I said I wouldn't, but he told me I looked like Mila Kunis. Reasons not to fuck him, go.
the coastal evacuation route ends at my vagina so you can just skip the bullshit and come over
Fuck morning classes and our weekday drinking habits.
At least you got some premium homework time. Still drinking vodka from a coffee cup?
I switched to water. When the numbers get blurry you are no longer being productive.
You know it's been a rough year when your therapist mouth is just wide open. And I didn't even get to the real issue!
Whatever, consider condoms an eighteen year investment.
I could probably save all of the money I would have spent on condoms and put a kid through college.
And please let him know I don't normally go off on long rants about feminist theory. That was totally the vodka talking.
Dude. Steinbecking. It's when you double-fist coffee and alcohol to help you meet a writing deadline.
Why do I have a vague memory of your entire fraternity climbing in through my bedroom window?
My vagina just clenched in fear
I told him he looked like my uncle.
Why would you say that in a bathtub?
is it still considered wake n bake if you wake up at 2 pm?
It was weird, it was like my heart got a boner. Is this being an adult?
Randomize
