Just tried calling my phone on my phone because i thought i lost my phone.
Megan Fox is the only woman I would let pee on me.
I'm similar. She's the only woman I'd ask to pee on me.
Ok yeah you're right. I'd ASK Megan Fox to pee on me. I'd ALLOW Erin Andrews to pee on me if she asked.
I kind of had a moment like that kid whose mom cancelled his WoW subscription, except I didn't try to shove a remote control up my own ass.
We did like every position then did it again this morning. Something about him being the little boy i used to make sand castles with just made it way hotter.
well done
Been considering the feasibility of adopting a kangaroo. Yes I'm very serious. And yes I'm very high.
By midnight I was dipping doritos in frosting...that's how my simmer break diet is going.
im not even sure if i fucked her just woke up in her closet.
I'm in Burlington Coat Factory. This place'd be great if you were on E. There're so many textures...
I'm kinda hoping that if I rub the right object, a genie will come out
That unicorn pillow pet really made sleeping with my head in the toilet a little better.
Apparently I blacked out and started wrestling with some dude last night. Just found out I might have dislocated his shoulder. Best part: he still wants to bone me
I would use the term shit faced but I'm too polite for that
I'm pretty sure NORMAL roommates don't have to hide each others sex toys from their fuck buddies.
There is a cooked ham in the washing machine.
Dude. I’m playing chess through iMessage with a stripper. What has my life become.
That awkward moment when you realize you've been secretly blackout dating someone for three months. Drunk me is in a committed relationship.
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