just walked past a girl in her cap and gown puking her brains out beside a tree. her friends were taking pictures of her.
You just kept saying "I want my babies to look like you."
he came on my stomach and it was 1000 degrees in his car. i smelled awesome.
So my retainer doesn't fit, so i'm getting drunk so i can put it back in. Alone.
You would...
well that explains the french fry and ketchup packet rolled into the wasitband of my sweats. thank you drunk me.
the scent of your tears make me crave pizza
Apparently from about 3-5AM I was consoling that crying stripper about her life choices.
She asked if I wanted to "Mormon Motorboat" her, which I guess is just motor-boating her through her cloths. Turns out I did.
So. I need to gloat. I couldn't exactly tell my family that I won this game by deep throating.
I'm going to crush up my last 7 Percocets into a fine powder and toss my popcorn in it.
On second thought, is it weird that I scheduled a surgery that determines my fertility around lingerie football night? I might have fucked up priorities.
Absolutely not. I would have done the exact same thing.
I fell asleep on the floor again. i dont want help, just a pillow. its kind of nice down here.
Omg this place. I'm at a neighborhood party. My mom has kissed two other moms. Where am I
He put his burrito in the bag with his dildo.
Ahha guy saw me buying beer, went "hmmmmm" and nodded his head approvingly. No words exchanged, but he has made his way to my heart haha
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