um. i met him on myspace...we text now, he lives down the street
Is it weird for a girl to post pictures of her dildo no facebook?
So I cleaned out my gym bag. Found half a bottle of malibu.
You know, I could pretend I'm shocked but what's the use?
Not a clue. But I did find out that his penis has a British accent.
Can I steal her, take her home, and feed her only vodka?
He's moaning and crying and coughing up something audibly liquid. I can't live in this house any more.
She pushed me over. She offered me a shot from her tits. We're good now
Yeah man... I ordered donuts, drank wine, and cried to a movie with Seth Rogen in it. Do you really think I have my shit together?
She was about to leave with you until you started singing "You Hoes Ain't Loyal" in her face
I know. In fairness he did tell me to throw up out his window onto his roof so I don't think he's pissed at me but I'm still mortified by the whole situation.
I settled on "Merry Christmas! Btw you may have chlamydia". I thought a nice holiday greeting would soften the blow
Do not try to steal a picnic table from a park, all you will end up with are sore arms and broken dreams.
He's being awfully beer snobby for a guy who ordered salad
I woke up and he already had a joint rolled waiting next to the bed. Love.
That was the first time i’ve been physically intimidated by a LinkedIn profile.
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