Is it wrong to want to cut a hole in the Tigger suit so I can molest you while I wear it?
i wish semen tasted like chocolate
beyond obliterated. i recall legitimately trying to use a ballpoint pen as eyeliner.
He told me his penis would be a "Sad Panda" if I didn't give it a ride through the jungle.
My dealer threw in a "freestyle rap" today with my purchase. I dont know if I can handle this relationship.
Hey, hey, hey, hey. This is a hurriCAN.
You do resemble something that has been used as a chew toy.
im just laying here pukin in my mouth and swallowing it 'cause im WAY too lazy to actually get up and find a place to vomit. this is my life now.
I found him in bed on a pullout couch with another dude. He had two empty puke buckets and his empty bottle of jagermeister right by his head.
I took shots of absinthe with my mom just now. Except awful things.
So I went tanning and I burned my boobs.
They're like sad pomegranates.
My roommate is downstairs drunk, smoking, and listening to a self help DVD. Please dear God don't let this be the Ghost of Christmas Future.
So I'm texting her. How do I steer the conversation toward "I honestly would be fine never seeing you again"?
I sleep better at night when I win things. I never really weep for others.
What shade of lipstick clearly states, I'm only attending this wedding for the drugs and groomsmen?
Randomize