Taking a 35 year old indonesian home, only in vegas ;-)
Skipping work because i'm still too drunk from last night still. got home at midnight and passed out in front of my door for 2 hours bc i couldn't find my key
had to call my rooommate to let us in. Passed out in my dress and found the key on my hair tie-in my hair- just now.
And the cops told us we were all naked.
Next time we're there I want drunk pics of us trying to ride the stone lions downtown. Don't even attempt to fight me on this.
she kept asking for a lobster dinner while she was crying. it was actually the most reasonable drunk chick request i've ever heard.
A man and his most likely hooker just bought us Taco Bell.
MY MOM IS GOING TO SMOKE WITH ME.
SHE'S GOING TO SMOKE HIGH QUALITY MARIJUANA WITH ME.
I can't believe I ever hated her sister or friends. They got her some sexy sexy ass lingerie for the honeymoon. I think I love them bitches
And noooow we're smoking a ton of REALLY strong weed and THIS IS THE SOFTEST CAT EVER
A 3am FaceTime to go to IHOP is the closest thing to a bootycall that I'm getting
Had a slight melanoma scare this morning. Spoiler alert, it was Nutella.
But really, someone with a penis give me attention before I start posting nudes on Instagram.
I'm so upset I left my sombrero at the expo center
Just showed my drunk fiancé where I got circumcised, she's been crying for twenty minutes.
i just called dibs on the taxi driver at the bar that isnt drinking. im a grown up
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