At what point in time did you decide the pot head with Taco Bell was more important than all your friends.
At about the same time you guys weren't burritos.
So, you didn't have time to come pick me up but you did have time to get plastered and then write "champagne money" on every one of my statuses for the past month?
He practically bottle-fed me Jameson, like I was a baby chimpanzee on those nature specials.
I went to the gas station and the lady goes I remember you. Broken sunglasses and puke on your car.
someone needs to get her out of the garbage can shes never gonna forgive us for this
Aside from the fact that there's a penis in my mouth, that's a pretty good picture of me
In an m&m suit playing manhunt drunk. And you thought you werent guna have a good time
I just bought the ATT family protection plan so that I could block all of my old bar hookups from booty calling me...
Great. Now I'm always going to be the roommate that boned a guy with a third nipple.
I can't even properly respond cuz I'm ballsdeep in falafel
My 7 yo sister is trying to talk my mom into buying her a strawberry margarita. Happy Cinco de Mayo.
Bored at work. googling vodka waffles.
He kept telling me that it stood for Sex Utility Vehicle
I have an important idea to tell you when I'm sober about a cat scratching my nose once and what it taught me. DONT LET ME FORGET.
A drag queen just ate a dollar out of my ass. I don't know which one of us has hit rock bottom
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