The last thing I remember is you asking me how to grow french fries.
I found a map from his room to his bathroom this morning in my purse. Apparently I was too fucked up to get there without one.
His fridge was full of blocks of pepperjack cheese, and his pantry was stocked with huge jars of jellybeans. Even if I'd been drunk, I don't think I could've made that up.
No, I think it was the night I threw up in her front yard. You're thinking of the time I threw up in her backyard.
Side note, we are 25 fighting over our sophmore year RAs Drunk facebook attention
hungover and i feel like a burrito
like eating one or like you are one?
like i am one.
They set the pop up pool in the basement-running filter and all. Drunk swimming. Come now.
Sometimes familiar penis is best. Its like comfort food for your vagina.
Sunday Funday has been cancelled indefinitely, due to lack of self control of all parties involved.
The guy had great intentions when throwing us free beer off the balcony... but of course I was the one to get hit in the face because that's the kind of luck I have
What we have is to special to throw away over a woman who spreads her butt cheeks on a pool table for me...
Somewhere out there, on several phones belonging to strangers, exists a video of me rapping Baby Got Back on stage in four inch heels that I stole from the drag queen. Also I made out with the chick with the octopus tattoo.
You have the best birthdays
I'm pretty sure i doubled the number of dicks I've ever touched, last night.
He somehow obtained a megaphone and managed to scare away the out-of-control house party—the house party that HE started, by the way— by pretending to be the police.
I just bought spray paint, a T-shirt, and a box of magnum condoms. The cashier refused to make eye contact! Haha
Randomize
