Get your hand out of your ass!
how did you know my hand was in my ass? Guess where my other hand is..?
In your belly button
Well, she's an atheist who is addicted to the Sims.
Who isn't?
there is no way he can be that small
look on the bright side he'll over comepensate
I think I just saw the silver monkey from legends of the hidden temple sitting out in someone's trash
GO. BACK. NOW.
2 am we went back to his house. his mom handed us beers and cooked us pancakes. the next morning his dad had washed my car. i lied. living at home after college definitely does not suck.
Well, she opened the door to puke outside the car, but she threw it open so hard it popped back and hit her in the face.
I have a cup of vodka in my bathroom with a straw in it. Yes, I am ready for this bikini wax.
This guy either needs to stop touching me or buy me another drink.
The fact that when I blacked in you were sober enough to kick me out of your roommates bed makes me question our friendship.
Love me.
GO THE FUCK TO BED IT'S 3AM I AM NOT TAKING YOU TO MCDONALDS.
Just for one nugget?
Yeah, my new jeep also came with custom license plates that read 4SKIIN. Not "4 skin" but "4 skiing" thanks mom and dad
as i sobered up i realized that her cute accent was actually a speech impediment
He's on the floor in just a Burberry tie. All my girl parts just tapped out.
this temple that is my body is starting to crumble and turn into ruins
I'm pretty sure I just smoked a chunk of cat food. Thought it was something else. No reply needed.
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