we should start having sex in the shower. less clean up.
Why dose there have to be another girl there for you to do this?
its hotter. Way hotter.
I'm home with mono, wearing knee high socks, shorts, a stained old shirt, and a surgical mask. He comes over ANYWAY with soup, a gas mask, billions of DVDs, and eats me out. He's either stupid, whipped, or i'm just THAT good.
He's warming up to shark week, by only eating fish and drinking vodka, and all the time he keeps yelling "death to the seals!"
well what she called a "work function" most people call "doing shots with your boss while people throw napkins at you."
You told me when we were leaving the club if I could pin point your nipple through your padded bra you would show me if I was right.
I chased a girl up a staircase screaming because she had a cardboard cut out of James Dean which, at the time, I believed to my friend being held against his will
We were eating hotdog buns dipped in French onion dip in lawn chairs at 4am. That drunk
You know you're at a low point when you're sucking vodka out if your hair.
Sad Megan is Sad
Have you been drinking my beer?
Package arrived for me from the gf while she's on vacation..under the bed bondage kit and new lingerie...my boner could drive to the airport
Wait is this place where the strippers are missing teeth and I think one is missing a thumb? Though I don't know how she would maneuver on the pole without a thumb. Pls advise.
Just got hit on via LinkedIn..do I capitalize on this opportunity/land a job or reply something sassy
You started yelling about vegans ruining the world. Because we drove past some cows eating grass.
I was just at the gas station and happened to look left and see a girl blowing some guy. How was your night?
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