My only options right now are Herpes, Gay, or Vanilla.
just won a stolen shopping cart in a dance off in a parking lot.
See it, we're so close, i smell your vagisil
She ordered a salad and a budweiser. I love her.
she told me that she was curious about how cum tasted. of course i left you.
almost just walked around my whole building with my bowl in my hand before i remembered 420 isnt a get out of jail free card
Well he paid for dinner, so I paid for the Plan B, but the parking ticket I got is totally his responsibility.
dude she looked like Newman from Seinfeld I'm done with this wingman shit
I did the walk of shame wearing his scrubs. Fucking med school students is the way to go.
Guy hitting on me at bar is guy who's Craigslist ad we laughed at the other night. Not even kidding.
he just kept texting even after we lit his shoelaces on fire. he just calmly walked into the pool... still texting.
SOMEONE WITH THE TWITTER HANDLE "METHLAB" FAVORITED THAT PICTURE
Yo. What's your name again? You put "don't tell your landlord" as your name lol
I just feel weird about accepting their wedding invite when I've got a post-engagement video on my phone of him jacking off in my bathroom.
Oh! I forgot to tell you. Part of that weird ass dream last night. I was jamie lee curtis and I cut off all my hair because yogurt.
Randomize
