Seeing Harry Potter 3D stoned: Pro- giant redheads w/cute accents. Con-weeping for stoners who only had Pink Floyd laser shows.
high enough to want to lick peanut butter off of Michael Buble's vocal chords as he serenades me.
College is the ONLY place where you can pass off morning sickness as being hungover. I'm currently pouring beer in a spray bottle so I can spray it on myself and smell drunk.
Alas, very true. I'll sell some of my eggs and give you like 10%
And with my 90% I'll get a scooter with a sidecar. And a pony. Also with sidecar.
hey, you wanna get together over coffee or something?
is this code for 'i just got broke up with and i need a sympathy dicking'?
how did you know?
too late I already started a fight with someone named luscious
Random pof guy just messaged me initiating a Pokemon battle. Want to be a bridesmaid?
I totally just pulled my thong out of my purse at the grocery store. Oops.
I had my first "Damn Kids/When I Was That Age" rant at work today. We need to drink this feeling out of me. NOW.
I mean I've seen her tits but I don't know what her voice sounds like
He told me to be a woman and make him dinner. So I threw a bagel at him and went out to dinner.
you know what? fuck you, fuck your nana, and ESPECIALLY FUCK THE BLACKHAWKS.
Okay so I've been talking to the mice again and they agree with me that you're a piece of shit.
Its safe now. But... Nobody should sleep on my bed tonight.
Don’t be alarmed my pee bowl is in your shower
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