oh my she just said cum sticks to her dentures so when she blows if they let her she takes them out
After she threw up on my floor she started singing "this is why I'm hot."
If they made snuggies with a sleeve for my morning wood, id consider buying one...
Either she got face surgery at midnight, or i need to stop drinking...
u know how some weekends you just wanna go out and ruin a relationship? this is one of those weekends
You don't understand, we were on a waffle house. Both of us were absolutely certain we passed out at his place then BAM! Waffle house.
The plan was to get laid... Now the plan is to survive.
I used a jello pudding cup as a shot chaser last night. I'm the Bill Cosby of alcoholics
Well, somebody (me) put on reindeer antlers, crawled around on the floor, and meowed at people... So yeah, I'd say it was "one of those nights"
he shit on the floor last night i'm not venturing down there
Just so you know the unusual amount of skittles on your floor is entirely your own fault. You bought me 20 bags of them while I was high.
is 250 jello shots considered an open container?
I fucked her on her ex's Yankee sheets while she was wearing an Ortiz jersey...of course she gets to meet my mother
My apartment stinks of burning failure
If I lock her out of the apartment right now would the neighbors have grounds to sue?
Randomize
