The elaphant ear plant popped a new leaf ! Wahoo !
we should start having sex in the shower. less clean up.
Somehow last night, my dad got me so drunk that I ended up throwing up on the couch, turning the cushions over to hide it, and going to sleep on them.
There's a guy at this party taking all the unfinised beers and pouring them into a pitcher so he can drink them tomorrow.
halfway through eating me out he goes 'oh that reminds me i have to buy fish for good friday'
I remember sucking his bleeding finger and then it's all black until he had his hand down my pants.
He sent a pic, I sent one back. Then nothing. It's like we sext-messaged goodbye and ended the relationship.
I know this is random but to this day I regret not having sex with you on that atv on the top of that mountain underneath the American flag.
Two ladies just showed up with my fucking purse. It was in the fucking street. I'm a train wreck. As a financial advisor, this shouldn't happen. I should be an adult.
I have bruises all over my body. Seriously, I'm a train wreck. I'm too damn old for hangovers like this.
Well anyways I still cant believe I don't remember such a monumental day in history as you showing me your boobs... Jesus
Today is an "outside sex" kind of day.
He's like a sexy bearded lumberjack who likes wine.. I can't lose..
I'm honestly just saving all my liver's power for when I die this weekend. that's how it works right
Ate a slug for 39 dollars
I wouldn't expect anything less from a PhD student
Eh, it could have been worse. I may or may not have been wearing a jedi cloak while getting my dick sucked.
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