You told the cops that they couldn't arrest you because they weren't hot enough to fuck
i want you to know that after i type the word "your" , vagina is next on my auto correct text
One girl peed the bed, one lost her panties, another woke up on the piano, I have pink eye and door knobs are missing. This is why I stay in Nebraska
I'm trying to spell out I love you with a series of photos of my penis, but I just realized I can't do the Y of you
i woke up wearing her shoes. this night isn't going on my highlight reel
We tried to break her futon, I crushed my balls instead. You have one less reason to be jealous that my balls are insanely huge and yours are not.
Someone's having a good night if they're getting gummi bears and Astroglide.
So me and him are making out, and the other two are on the couch behind us. he randomly stops kissing me and goes "oh god I think she just took off her shirt" I look behind me and I see her tits flapping up and down. This man has amazing senses..
Most men with as many freckles as you aren't vagina magnets. You are an exception to your kind.
I fell off my bed and busted open my chin on the prisoner of azkaban. Somehow missed the almost empty Jose handle next to it. So guess what I was doing last night?
I hate that we are older than the real world people now
I've come to the conclusion all of your awkward and complicated male encounters could easily be intercepted by a man town Yankee candle and a vibrator. Sleep on that tell me your thoughts in the morning. Sweet dreams.
Haha ohman remember when I peed in your blender? Gotta love college.
YOU DID WHAT???
I've had pants off for 3 hours now. America.
Looks like taco salad for lunch. I may have died and gone to be better circle in hell than I thought.
Randomize
