The midget we rented got so drunk last night he got carted off in an ambulance
Well unless he sent his sperm via fedex, this baby isnt his
Just slept with my boyfriend's roomie to learn if bf was cheating on me
Good plan. When in doubt, sleep about.
She just kept tellin me God was coming back and he was leavin her with a bag of stale doritoes and shitty friends.
The size of her vagina has nothing to do with the size of her heart bro
In less than 3 minutes we had 3 security guards running after us
How can I not totally like a guy that told me my boobs were too big for me to be taught how to play golf?
I'm about to sell my hamster for weed money I'll call you in a few
he knocked a glass of water onto my bed and then said that he should get to sleep on the dry side because he was "a guest"
I took shrooms last night.. For a good half hour I genuinely believed I was black and being held captive by a leaf. Never again.
What happened to my knees?
You ate shit in front of the homeless people. They applauded.
Apparently there was a black out and the security alarms went off except I was convinced it was the microwaves and made ben unplug them all then got really frustrated cos he wasnt doing it right
I'm going to a one year olds birthday party to smoke weed. What has my life become.
We met up and made out in front of an empanada spot, if that's not romance then idk what is.
FUCK IM ABOUT TO GET A DICK PIC IN THE LIBRARY
Randomize
