So it's 11:24am. I've had sex twice and been laid 3 times. I love holidays!
I understand the whole sex thing but did you really get laid or is that synonymous for more alcohol?????
Honestly.
Don't say a word.
Had sex with the ex last night. Regretting to begin in 5, 4, 3, 2, 1... WHYYYYYYYYYY!
that would combine my 3 fave things. christmas funfetti and paul simon
"thanks for the sex" was written in lipstick on my bathroom mirror. i'm officially done with random hook ups.
Well I turned her sobriety into my own personal drinking game
Sorry I was drunk and left blood all over your back seat I was pretending to be in private Rayan and used your thong as a bandage
Dad just showed up on someone else's golf cart, filled an ice chest with booze and left while yelling "SHINANIGANS!!!!" this is going no where fast.
We found him wrapped up in a giant table umbrella in the bathroom.
Passed out mid cig in bed last night. Thank you cough for allowing me legal prescription hydrocodone.
Also cheers for the reminder to check last night's texts. It's been a magical adventure through drunk me's thought process.
That BJ in the bathroom was definitely worth the $20 cover.
His last name was woodcox? That just screams I've got a great penis
So my Mom pointed out my vibrator on the night stand next to my stun gun and reminded me of how much I drink.
I drunkenly texted ur dad last night telling him he raised great kids hahahahaha
Dude I'm pretty sure everyone in my office knows I fucked our boss...can I ask for anything better?
Randomize