So on facebook, the pictures from my church mission trip are right up next to the pictures of my first time on E. Sorry Jesus.
Then, he just started shoving orange pieces in my mouth as a chaser
there was a trail of blood coming out of one of the bathroom stalls. thought of you
How much is that going to cost?
A lot of beer.
It was ths the worst 15 minutes of my life. . . It was like fucking a warm stick of butter.
We're having a serious conversation and I just responded to something he said with an emoticon. I am so baked.
No more jager for that guy. He jacked the neighbor kids big wheel, rode around making jet noises, then passed out behind the wheel and rolled it and broke his wrist
I'm gonna rob all up in that cradle
You left wolverine marks
I'm somewhere between sorry and proud
THANK YOU for not letting me make out with that girl omfg I was one step away from a foursome in the handicapped stall
YO CONGRATULATIONS ON YOUR MÉNAGE À TROIS. YOU GO, GLENN COCO
BITCH I AM EXPERIENCING THE FEMININE MYSTERY SHUT UP AND GIVE ME DRUGS
I used the line "you don't have enough pillows". Then left. Thought you should know.
You know tonight's gonna be a good night when your already planning on sleeping in a trunk
MY DINNER LAST NIGHT CONSISTED OF SEMEN AND A PROTEIN SHAKE... MY TRAINER WOULD BE PROUD I DIDN'T HAVE CARBS!
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