I don't apprectiate you insinuating that my breasts have a sort of bremuda triangle effect
I made her dinner: Beefaroni with grated parmesan cheese on top. Luckily she showed up drunk and gave me head, "For spending so much time preparing."
she requested me as her brother on facebook.... biggest. letdown. ever.
He'd bedazzaled his ass. Im not even that gay...
It's called 'beer pong' not 'everclear and coke pong' for a reason...
Apparently it costs $70 to clean vomit off the side of our apartment building.
We're at the hospital. She got a head rush and fell and now blood everywhere. Smoke the rest, just save her a bowl
You have like just as much sex as me and I have a brand new bf. That does not add up. That is not right.
He autographed my vag. This fuck just got authentic.
I owe a guy a shoe because I threw it over a fence. That is all.
Why do I even exist?
I had sex for the second time today and ate an entire bag of alligator jerky on the way home. These truly are the golden years.
That was the night you tried to convince me you threw up your sould because your throwup was black
i'll talk to you in three hours when you've stopped foaming at the mouth and your eyes have rolled back into place
you smell like vanilla and daddy issues
Dick pics just aren’t doing it for me, this bowl of Mac n cheese and Game of Thrones trump you tenfold
Randomize
