you know you are hungover when... you set your alarm for the next time you think you are going to throw up
My cat gives me a boner
Well i have to fuck at least one of your roommates this year to keep the tradition alive.
I have my ice chest next to my bed. Instead of breakfast in bed, its beers in bed. 10x better
He looked at my vag and said "you have a nice situation down there. Good work"
He's coming back with me for the week. It took me saying "I don't wanna drive myself home... I'm better as a passenger giving road head" for him to jump at it. Rack another one up for my magical openings.
He kept dropping hints about giving me crabs. Like he called my pubes a nest and said he "hoped there weren't any eggs in there."
and a jello shot exploded in my bra last night. Now I have blueberry smurfette boobs. Awesome.
Dude I wanna go on a booze cruise
Dude our life is a booze cruise
But without boats...
At one point he was so drunk he was carrying around a bottle of patron drinking out of it and falling everywhere and every time he spilled it he would scream "THERE GOES TWENTY DOLLARS."
Its alot like that time you got motorboated by the carni at the rodeo.
don't do it for the experience, do it for the story. now get your ass in that bedroom
Apparently I called him, said "vodka" and then hung up on him.
Let's get drunk and take out your tonsils tonight
Just used the word fistfucking in a serious conversation with my professor in front of the class, while making an appropriate and valid point. Win.
Randomize
