well apparently i yelled MY VAGINA WAS ANNIHILATED and his whole family heard
Ended up passed out drunk in the neighbors lawn, still in costume. Neighbors thought I was a lawn decoration. Ten points for best Halloween ever.
No, I'm not okay. Girls are wearing BUMPITS here.
So there is a chick dressed up in a vagina costume handing out free condoms next to the dude handing out free Bibles and preaching about sin. I love college.
So, I just sold my textbook to have money for Plan B.
I just want him to slap me with his dick and call it love
Our room will be decorated with my urine.
You've never even broken a bone. You singlehandedly disprove natural selection
Just made a floating bacon boat for the hot tub. This is what America is all about.
omg his dad is hot
... I'm currently away at the moment. Leave a msg since I cannot express how much I can't help you stop ruining peoples lives.
The nice lady at the neighborhood liquor store informs me that we have a new woman-run neighborhood sex shop. Jesus loves me and wants me to have a happy Valentine's day.
You've slept with someone mentioned in the NY Times, that officially makes you the most famous person I know.
I got so drunk last night I took a ice bath with my mother in law
It was the scariest thing ever having a flame that close to my balls...
Banged a girl last night wearing nothing but my Team USA Olympic jersey. I think it's safe to say that nut was for America.
Randomize
