Odds of those being real?
One in who gives a fuck
I dinstinctly remember making out to "I believe I can fly" and waving my arms like a bird to the beat.
You said that we had to leave the party together and proceeded to repeat the "ducks fly together" speech from The Mighty Ducks word for word. Soon the whole party was quite and started chanting quack..quack...quack..
And then he used the flashlight app to illuminate me giving him head. Thanks IPhone
At the hospital, the nurse kept telling me that i either had appendicitis, a tubular pregnancy, or an ovarian cyst. I kept asking if i could just have chlamydia instead...
You know, he picked a really shitty time to stop sleeping with me to pay attention to his girlfriend.
I think I just snorted head and shoulders by mistake.
I think these people may actually be nudists. You know it's bad when I feel uncomfortable.
Doc gave me something stronger than Xanax. The pills have your last name imprinted on them. This cannot be coincidence.
Walked in the bathroom at work and my boss was taking a shit with the stall wide open and responded "oh yeah, I forgot you never have been to prison "
We did it to 80's cardio music. Talk about a workout.
I support your vibrator fueled lifestyle.
My mom has tinder, she is 45 and has her age setting at 18-29. And she still gets more matches than me
I'm about to go get lunchables and alcohol. Take that adulthood
I stared at his dick and then told him to get on his knees
Randomize
