i realized my work ethic and productivity really improves if i masturbate on my lunch break.
even through the webcam i could tell he was aiming for my face/hair
beer for lunch on the first day back to school.... too soon?
Got one of only two perfect scores in the class on the quiz I took drunk. This is not a good thing for me to have learned about myself.
I saw a girl walking around campus with bandages on both her knees. I need to get her number.
Does this sound normal?...She's ironing on pictures of her dead cat to all of her green clothes...
my vagina has been out of service for wayy too long... this semester needs to start like right now
I got us chalkboard mugs. Now whoever comes home with us can feel comfortable in the morning! I am too considerate to my one-night stands...
Bud light lime after 12 shots of vladdy is like frolickin in a meadow of sweet flavor
She's started this new thing where whenever she drives by random couples talking alone outside she yells "break up! this is your sign!"
we're the same shoe size and he owns more pairs of heels than i do. this could be the beginning of a beautiful friendship
It's accurate though. I am legitimately passionate about pickles. I crave pickles the same way I crave sex. It is a deep rooted animalistic need
There's a girl passed out on the sidewalk at the parade. Its not even 10am. She gave candy to children saying it was ketchup. Still think I have a problem?
He asked if I had any questions. Apparently, "how thick is the stick up your ass" was not a correct question.
Do you ever just want to be mashed potatoes?
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