I wish you could see the look on my boss's face right now.
wtf?
Before you passed out in the middle of the NHL 10 party you had to prove that you were a better fighter than Patrick Kane. Your not. Thanks for the black eye dipshit.
I just ran into the couch, vagina first.
I hope you got dinner out of it
Just desperately used the "it's a boy" cigar I saved from my\nnephews birth to roll a blunt
Whenever I said your name you screamed polo and did another shot.
Oh shit. The kids are pole dancing on a broom. It's like I'm seeing my future offspring before my eyes.
& he told me 'I don't think ur a big slut-just kind of an average slut'
HE THINKS THATS A COMPLIMENT!!!!!
At this point I just want to meet a man with a job.
Weve literally been going out drinking five days a week. That counts as a full time job right?
Ya well here is the deal with last night, it was the Biggest shit show we have ever co-stared in.
they had to take the Corona's out of the fish tank because they wouldn't fit with the mini replica of the roman coliseum in there. so we drank the Corona's. does beer have an expiry date?
I just want to fall into a pit of xannies and eat my way out.
I really don't think there's anything more liberating than farting.in a loud bar where no one.can.hear you
Nothing like a little " am I gonna shit myself " to spice up the work day
SCOTCH AND CIGARS AT THE TITTY BAR. YOU ARE COMING WITH US.
He walked into me masturbating to a framed picture of Bill Murray riding a t-rex
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