I'm not a mortal combat character
but my vagina is
My milkshake brings 85 to 90 percent of the boys to the yard
I feel like i just miscarried Jesus's baby...
after last night i think it would be a good idea if i wrote a will... you know, just in case.
A slipped finger up the butt isn't the end of the world
Woke up with pink eye in both my eyes. That's how the threesome went
hes wearing the same tie today that i tied him up with last night.i wanna go home
we've coined the Sunday morning ritual of taking out our puke-filled trash cans as The Trash Of Shame
I think 2012 will be the year I purposely put myself in awkward situations. Much like 2011 but really trying this time. Like fucking the little sister of a girl I already fucked and dating a chick that lives with her ex. It could be awesome or horrible.
Dear Penis Owner...our records show that you are overdue for servicing...please contact our friendly associates to schedule a thoroughly satisfying experience today...operators are standing by...
Yea... you were given too many get out of jail free cards. God just gave up on you having a healthy and happy vagina.
We celebrated International Women's Day by spending $700 and taking our tops off at the strip club
The boys offered to pay but we went halfs because we're feminists
Ohh man. That was a snatch-waxer with a score to settle.
What's his name?? He crossfits 6 times a week, works in finance & is into the occasional felony class drug. His name is irrelevant in order to know if I wanna bone him again.
Do they still have sex clubs in San Francisco? Because that'd be an interesting way to spend Easter.
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