do you know how bad I want you right now?
As bad as i want you to stop texting me?
is that a hint?
so when she was in the shower, I took a pic of my dick with her phone and sent it to her brother saying, this just fucked your sister
you are the sluttiest virgin ive ever met
thanks it was an honor just to be nominated
The coffee and champagne are fighting over who gets to absorb the one pancake in my stomach
I made him hve sex with me in the elevator so that I could put my finger down in never have I ever.
I made him tell me how he proposed to his wife before I'd bang him. I have a problem.
I full on slapped a girl with pizza. Like in the face with sauce splattered everywhere and grease with a hard slap to the face.
I accidentally KO'd a baby in the airport. Thought you should know.
in a last ditch attempt to make life awkward after i die today i want to be buried naked and have an open casket funeral.
Buffalo PD walked in my bedroom this morning at 7 am. Was still blackout drunk, fully dressed, Steak Out wrapper on the floor, parking meter on the floor of the bar room. 'Both of your doors were wide open, wanted to make sure no one was robbing you.' Then I made a pass at her.
Church parking lot, park bench, front porch. I think she's more comfortable going down on me in public. May have found the one.
Why am I not blowing coke off your ass at my apartment?
Do I get bonus points if I get lockjaw after a cosmic blowjob?
It's official cum is not a great leave in conditioner
Hey I had a great night last night but I don't want to lie to you I'm only 19 and that wasn't my place its was my cousin he's gone for the summer and I was just house sitting and watching his cat I'm sorry
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