it sounds like her vocal chords are covered in pudding and rocks. come get me.
Warning...her vagina is big, like sleeping bag big.
I got drunk and applied for two credit cards last night. About to find out if anyone in this world is still dumb enough to give me credit.
Omg calling you in 10 to update you on who I peed on last night
Just tell your wife to stay in the car because you are self conscious about drinking infront of her. Now you have a DD AND we can still have a good time.
I let my daddy issue flag fly free last night.
She just broke into my apartment while I was asleep, woke me up and drunkenly tried to seduce me for about 2 minutes, then passed out..
Ordained minister or not I hereby renounce all moral responsibility for any and all related occurrences
I'm pretty stoned, and for a second I forgot that I'm not actually Barbie and I was getting excited about all the fun we were going to have on my jet.
Nutrition teacher wants anything i eat or drink documented for the week including dancefestopia. Do you know the recommended daily ammount of psylicybin or MDMA?
Why is there puke in my guitar?
Because you puked in your guitar.
He called my boobs fluffy. Part sexy part pilsbury dough boy. Part sexy pilsbury dough boy. I'm so confused. And flattered?
It was going very smoothly until she noticed my boner of hope.
I force fed him french fries and then proceeded to tell him how sexy corgi’s are … it’s safe to say he’s not texting me for a second date.
If u could sum last night up in one word?
omgwtfpineapple
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