I woke up on my floor...
I woke up with colors of the wind playing on repeat on my laptop...
So excited for tonight I might actually pee my pants BEFORE I get blackout
Memorial weekend is going to be amazeballs. Jungle juice, drunk guys, and my vagina being stimulated by the vibrations of a 4 wheeler. I mean there is no way that can go wrong.
I still don't know why you took that job... it sounds miserable
not having any beer money sounds even more miserable
Why did my little sister call me from your phone this morning?
Things like this can't be explained over text man
Holy shit there is too much Taco Bell here to talk to you
I don't know his last name, but he's in phone as Pat the conqueror.
Liquor doesn't fix sad, but it sure as hell lowers my standards for a rebound.
I've been there a week.. I'd rather all my coworkers not know that I'm already sleeping with my boss.
Help everyone's hot
Men are hot women are hot non-binary people are hot aliens are hot
Taking care of drunk people fulfills my need to be a mother
she walked up to me at the bar, kissed me, andthen declared "I HAVEN'T SEEN YOU OR YOUR PENIS SINCE 2011."
I'd have to have a ring. Like I don't want to be called "the ex girlfriend that shit on me"
Was picked up in the middle of a bar full of people...apparently I'm not tall enough to reach for drunken makeouts. I'm proud of myself.
It's totally a relationship. we have sex in other people's beds, watch mad men while high and get drunk on his teammates' beer. don't you dare stomp on my dreams with your societal judgments
Randomize
