it sucked. he totally couldn't get it up. blamed it on never having cheated b4. Couldn't stop laughing. fuck.
I wonder if Barack Obama has ever been this drunk.
In preparation of Wine in the Woods next weekend, today we're hosting Straight Vodka in the Bathtub
i honestly don't know why someone didn't cut me off after i broke the ceiling lamp with MY HEAD
Had a dream that you were held at gun point. But I killed the guy. Then we embraced in the biggest hug while everyone around us clapped... Kinda how I imagine our wedding...
Also, it was so cold in that bathroom that I saw my crap steaming, a first in my life
He just ranted to some customer about fourth of July being ruined and I just shouted USA the whole time in the background. It was kinda epic
Visibly drunk girl eating alone at a souplantation just spilled salad all over her body. It was me
I am more than mildly offended he didn't screenshot the snapchat of my boobs.
It's only funny because he thinks you had sex with him to rob him.
Remember how we use to say "this will be the year I'll get my shit together!" And like we stopped doing that because we know that isn't happening anytime soon.
So I heard her yell at him and I went downstairs to find he had lit up each one of my smokes and taken just one drag off each and had em lined up on the table. She says he "experiments" when on Ambien.
i ordered what the bartender said was called a pink cock, and kept saying it tastes like a disney princess. thats how my 21st bday went
OHMYGOD YOU REALLY THINK I'D BE ON OPRAH?!
hey i'm sure you are probably asleep bc you suck and think sleep is necessary to live or something?
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