I did a mental Irish jig when he pulled out the second condom.
Have you seen my high heels that I wore out?
You mean the one that you threw at the parked cop car or the one in the microwave?
that would be two times in a week with two different guys.
they have the same name so it only counts as one guy right?
We are two peas in an std pod
i'm sick of coming in second next to bourbon.
my self respect just called, its having a good time without me
You should seriously consider super glueing your knees together
The power of my vagina can withstand any attempt of celibacy
We almost forgot to tip the maids, so we left the rest of the gin, some tonic water and a lime. They earned it
There's a good chance a guy sucked off my right earring last night
That's where the buck stops? Buying girlfriends online? THAT is where you draw the line?!
Would be in best interest to sanitize the DVDs
So I had sex in a bulldozer lastnight now that's definitely a first...
A real best friend would support the hoe in me. Not remind me of what happened the last time I slept with a boss
Let's just grow old together and be the crazy ladies that sit on the park bench, drinking booze from flasks and loudly talk about people who walk by.
She made me watch three musicals and then told me she was too tired for me to stay over. I think I'm being punished but I have no clue what I did.
Randomize
