my hangover today makes thursday's feel like a bubble bath.
Woke up in 100% not my clothes this morning. Third time this month. Fuck. Tequila.
Their flight hasn't even left yet and the 'buy food to keep yourself alive' budget is gone on tequila.
i dont think my parents would of encouraged me to save years of birthday money if they knew what i would eventually spend it on
i saw the poster for your lost tequila... what a shame
Yes, he made a MIX CD for our booty call...
I might have been fine if i had magic teleportation powers and could have skipped the car ride between bar and home
She fell asleep with me.... We found her pantsless in the dogbed in the morning... Russian foreign exchange students
That's what he gets for shittin at the strip club. Who does that??
We just weren't working out together, on a completely unrelated note some guy that i talked to on his grinder account said i could crash at his place
I envy your ninja level of don't give a fuck
Fair warning birthday party last night avoid kitchen & upstairs bathroom if you value your remaining sanity
He tried to buy me a drink at dollar beer night. All 3 of his credit cards were declined, so he asked me if I could cover it. Needless to say, I'm not calling him back.
I got stabbed with a couple of chip crumbs during sex Saturday. Further proof I need to stop eating snacks in bed
The moment when you and your BFF compare frequently used emojis and realize you have similar mental disorders and a really weak alibi.
my roomie eats chipotle far too often. when i was looking for a bag to throw up in I had my choice of a wlamart bag and 10 chipotle bags
Randomize
