i wish my penis had a tongue
Ive had to apologize to every girl i know today because of you
and when he finished he started shouting "swim boys SWIM"
im at a party in sweatpants, slippers, and a basketball jersey from the eighth grade, 10 bucks says im still getting laid
you woulda been proud of me tonight though. i only made out with 2 guys. and in my defense one of them was to get a job after graduation.
He spent the entire date challenging me to chugging contests.
Actually, considering the facts that I am wearing a duct tape dress and eating a gas station quesadilla, I am pretty good.
just reminessing about the wedding and were they seriously to tight to serve a meal oorrrrrr was it just another one of my black-out-by-dinner drunks
the fact that you actualy have a 'black-out-by-dinner drunk' is a bit deserving..
Annnnd I didn't even notice there is a guy dancing in a jock strap beside me. That explains girls smiling at me
Totally forgot Mike has only one ball. Is it sad I'm excited to see it? Or shall I say the lack of it?
STOP WHATEVER YOU ARE DOING AND GO OUTSIDE RIGHT NOW. THE MOON LOOKS LIKE CATWOMAN
I asked Tony because I knew he wouldn't give me a lecture about consequences
???? Tony IS a lecture about consequences
Enough talk of my burning loins. How is your day?
If I end up in the hospital remind me to order jimmy johns.
Why?
They deliver.
If he's dating my cousin now, do I have to erase the pictures of his dick off my phone? Ugh, morals.
Randomize
