You think if I promise to behave for the rest of my life, god will let me fuck her on the regular?
Just asked what her favorite part of a guys body is. She said ballsack. I'm in love.
I have a critically important question to ask.
Why does watermelon-flavoured candy exist?
I just got cut off for correcting the bartender's grammar. I should have never accepted that fucking editors position.
Don't worry, nothing happened....but we should have a fire extinguisher here.
I'm practically paying him in tacos to have sex with me.
So should I finish watching Space Jam and then get head? Or get head while secretly watching Space Jam?
Just got caught staring at a woman breast feeding. My only response was, "She's so adorable".
Your dad just texted me? He said I needed to holler at him when I get up tomorrow. I honestly thought you had somehow gone to jail.
Can we please start going to the gym before I accidentally kill someone via explosive fat girl pants button accident
i told him I'd let him eat part of a weed cookie out of my cleavage, so he pulled over like a gentleman.
Just got road head. In broad daylight. On the interstate. During rush hour. Pushing the envelope one public bj at a time.
The moment buddy the elf found out he was human is exactly like the moment I realized I was gay
you ripped my door off of the hinges, kicked it in half and then proceeded to throw it down the stairs because i wouldn't make you a cheese burger
One minute we're singing Wagon Wheel, and the next you're belly dancing in a trash bag on the beer pong table
Randomize
