i've alrwady decidided boys hate me plkease take notyes.
what
nvm
The only thing I want to hear out of a girl's mouth tonight is, "slurp".
we sang an acapella version of barbara ann to his voicemail...i'm not drinking again until tuesday.
i just remember explaining why my socks were better than everyone elses.
He just told me what he wants for his birthday. "a noise complaint" he also said he wants to be the cause of all the noise but he won't be the one making the noise.
You made out with two different species that night
But see that's the thing. I know i'm better looking than you, I just want you to be continually in a state of shock and awe that you could ever get a girlfriend this hot. You know?
My usual answer of have sex with it doesn't work in this situation
Good thing my vagina doesn't have a chronometer on it. I'm sure my fiance would be horrified. Probably 10 miles from this past weekend alone.
Also, I have your check. Also, still wanna drop acid?
I did cocaine off my boobs last night. Then I wrote two essays and went on a run. Go me
How was jagerbomb pong?
It was like communism. Great in theory. Terrible when put into practice
Had a dream last night that we survived the apocalypse. And we celebrated Christmas.
What did I get you?
A 12 gauge and a bottle of vodka that was waist high.
Sounds about right
Come as you are, bitch. Glitter and vodka provided.
Shhh embrace your inner whore. Just embrace it.
Randomize
