i woke up with my moms heels on underneath your couch cushions
you want 1 or 2 eggos?
considering you've had every STD known to man, you think if i sent you a picture of my dick (no homo) you could tell me whats growing on it?
To think... Somewhere, too drunk by buckcherry is someone's theme song
Sorry for drunk singing "love hurts" to you at 3 am.
Clusterfucked is a frowned upon word in work related emails
Also, hurry up because I don't like drinking alone. I'm still doing it, but I don't like it.
if I'm at school tomorrow just indulge my moment of pity and let me cry on your shoulder
Lets trade lives
And i will lay in bed and piss all over everywhere, drink whiskey and have sex with married bears
Tell her this is the Disneyland of penises.It's a magical place everyone should visit once in their life.
so serious though like its almost like I'm playing a game that's my life and Im always losing
Well I woke up at my house so that's a plus. But I'm pretty sure I peed on my sofa because I woke up in the pee position.
This is worse than naked and afraid. This is drunk and confused.
handcuff keys just fell out of my bra....wtf happened last night?
Wait... so you had sex and then your ear drum ruptured? I'm not sure if I want to ask if the two are related...
She did what?
Who. The correct term is she did who.
Did you see him? The correct term is definitely what.
Randomize
