He kept asking me to take off my bra and I sat up so he could. He fumbled with it for a few minutes and when I sighed and went to undo it he goes, "Yeah, you got this."
I told him I was prego. He asked coul we do it without a condom now since I cldn't get any pregnanter. What an a-hole.
You wouldn't stop crying and screaming Hilary Duff doesn't deserve Gossip Girl
i was so drunk he made me beileve the song was called "thanksgiving sex."
My ATM looks so different sober.
I dont care about anyone or anything else I just want to make love to you on my air mattress
I took us ten minutes to realize the shower sex going upstairs was the reason the kitchen ceiling was flooding.
don't tell me about being eco-friendly. i just threw up in the same bag i bought my liquor in. RECYCLING
Woke up next to a tiki torch spooning a plastic flamingo on a welcome mat i've never seen before with a "happy valentines day" balloon tied to my wrist, oh yeah and "i am a cougar" is written on my chest in sharpee and all the kitchen furniture is upside down...
It's amazing how not interested in talking to him I am since I've decided that he probably has chlamydia.
You would think the bank would reward me for getting my account down to 3 cents without overdrafting it.
well smoking weed has become a deal breaker for me so I pretty much use "let's go smoke a blunt" as an icebreaker
DUDE. HOLY FUCK MY PRINCIPAL WAS JUST MY UBER DRIVER. I AM LITERALLY TRAUMATIZED. ANS DRUNK. HOLY FUCK OMG
All you need for a happy life is Jameson and slippers
i just wanna know who wrote "dibbz" on my ass?
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