Food network will be on but we won't be watching
O by "watching" I mean "background noise"
i feel rough
just turned on the light, there is blood EVERYWHERE.
he spit gasoline on a tiki torch to impress a girl. he caught on fire but did get laid. success.
and thats when i went through the window and a shard of glass got stuck in my ass. the doctor said it was the best injury hed seen all month. i am a champion of life.
you looked like a weeble wobble. everytime we thought you were going to fall you bounced back up...you're an amazing drunk
I woke up naked by my window. blinds open. smiley face drawn on my window.
you went up to him and asked if you could have "friend sex." He looked like a 7 year old on christmas morning
I need to cry about outer space to someone. Can I call you?
How many vodka infused gummi bears count as 1 drink?
She was way too drunk so I dropped her off at her house and smoked a huge blunt with her mom.
I just want to slap everyone in the face that's happy being sober. Loser.
Waking up with cheese all over my clothes and my vibrator in my pants is a sign we drank way too much tequila last night
Never thought I'd see the day when I got assless chaps in the mail, and yet here we are...
If i'm not ready, make sure i'm alive. Not passed out dead in the shower.
I'll still do breakfast to celebrate the life you've had.
I'm sorry I walked in on you guys, but all I heard from outside was her screaming "Dive, dive!". Sex was my last guess for what was going on in there.
Randomize
