i would punch a child for taco bell
Lol speaking of weird...he just sent me a naked pic of himself that said "meow" at the bottom.
you threw up in the bushes next to the ABC store and kept saying "you're home, blueberry vodka, you're home!"
is it bad that i have made the decision to never travel to vienna simply because of that transvestite that won the bachelor?
dont start drinking without me
we had you propped up in a chair and fed you donuts. i've never seen you happier
My google history shows every combination of "red lobster cheesy biscuits" possible.
Got so drunk in South Padre some guy put me on a suitcase trolly and pushed me to my room. I flashed my boobs as a tip.
Just realized Ive had sex in or around each thing listed in Green Eggs and Ham besides the fox.
I went to the obgyn with chipped nail polish.. Somewhere Beyonce was looking down, shaking her head, whispering "Not fierce."
Can we make 2014 the year of no unsolicited dick pics?
I am so sorry for drunk texting you r kelly lyrics
i can do like, 15 pushups. 20 if i listen to dubstep.
Wait an hour then go and untie him. Bring toilet paper and some spare underwear. Want anything from Starbucks?
You know why I love being a regular at this bar? It's because at a certain point last call is only a suggestion.
How does it make you feel that I can't control my vagina around you?
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