the only thing i have to deal with now is the fact that i'm still wearing spandex shorts from last night
Ryan Ross and Jon Walker left panic at the disco today.
I predict a mass suicide of the 14 year old girl population...
I never want a future conversation of ours to include the words "quart of semen" in it
Just took my first sake bomb. I love japan
After we finished he asked if I knew if it was a boy or girl. Diet. Starts. Now.
Pretty much knew it was gonna be awful when the extra condoms she had from her ex were entirely too big for my dick
My dad just questioned my drinking habits... Clearly he doesn't know what kind of college education he's paying for
dunno man, last I saw him he bet me he could eat more ranch the me, then ran off
I sent her 8 pictures of my dick in a baked potato. Not sure how I thought that would get me laid later.
My hickies are dark enough that I can feel drivers judging me from across an intersection
I had a girl last night tell me that she was happy to find a condom wrapper in my garbage because,and I quote, "well at least you're not raw dogging every slore that crosses your path"
BTW I totally understand panda express being popular amongst the highs. I can feel the shrimp being slaughtered in my mouth. It's fantastic.
That moment when your mom is so drunk she makes you get out of bed to lay in her bed because she thinks it feels like sleeping on a marshmallow peep....
Just accidentally walked into a parade for Jesus
Do u have any idea how hard it is to masturbate in a CVS bathroom when your name is being called over the speakers to pick up a prescription for painkillers?
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