His moose knuckle keeps winkin at me
So...AT&T finally added picture messaging for iPhone...bring on the tits!!!
Thank God they found balloon boy, I was afraid that Michael Jackson was ordering take out from heaven.
my bf wants us to fuck our way into the new year.. how original..
And leave it to John to ask the cabby to make a Porno in his cab
You can't call dibs 8 years later.
He's going to let me keep his bowl in my car. Does that make us Facebook official?
You kept trying to throw the grocery cart off the balcony.
First highlight of the semester: campus safety caught me peeing in the dirt parking lot by kappa. Then as they were about to write me up, they recognized me, laughed, and left.
Cool. I might be making a sickly but incredibly well dressed wine drunk appearance in a couple hours
Do you have pictures of my pancakes
I need to show the world
They are the pancake equivalent of eventual wife
Sorry for all the snapchats, I wanted you to feel like u were in America getting plastered with me
New vibrator arrived today.
How was it?
Who are these wee mortals we call men?
If you can't have hot, loud sex in a dorm for the last time ever, what can you do in this world?
I thought accidentally shaving off my fingertip while trying to shave my butthole was going to be the most unexpected part of my day, but no
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