party was madd awkward.. it was like every person who i sat next to in high school and never said hi to was there
Maybe we should try and tone it down a notch. The neighbors changed the name of their wifi network to "i can hear you having sex".
I just got licked by a stripper, not so great anymore.
She is ok w me having sex for money. Just gotta find rich grandmas.
Christ, I really took the slutcake last night.
Wait. Someome brought slutcake?
Nothing is better than seeing someone you fucked go to the Olympics. I feel so American.
Just witnessed a fat waitress doing whipits in the back of a waffle house.. my life seems a little brighter..
Nothing like hearing "I found your pinky nail" before you even noticed it was missing.
IF WE WERE REALLY BEST FRIENDS FOREVER YOU GUYS WOULD AGREE TO A WATCHING A PORNO PARTY
He referred to our sex as being similar to "Two cheetahs cage fighting" and I have to agree.
It was technically 11... But I go by McDonald's time, if they aren't servin breakfast, it's the afternoon. Therefore I can drink
I think I've done enough damage with my vagina as of late, thank you
It isn't about the beer pong. It is about the destruction of the patriarchy.
she chased shots of jack with a fucking steak. i'm in love.
He kept apologizing that the nerve damage makes him take a while to finish. Meanwhile he gave me 3 orgasms and a leg cramp
Only you could benefit from a reckless driver
Randomize
