we should go somewhere reaaaaaal shady
im in his phone as 'great ass to tap'
I just made out with a girl with a life jacket on wtf is going on
white trash bash was a total success...cops shut it down twice and her hair stayed in rollers all night..she never broke character
Jenna and Ryan are ranting and raving about child custody. MY VASECTOMY SMILES.
I feel like I've been drunk all of June. And I am in NO WAY ashamed about it.
I was scared that I should know him but I was too busy blacking out to remember
The guy at the bar repeatedly told us he was an off duty cop from out of town, that to normal people would be the time where you stop asking him to smoke a blunt with us
Is it too early to start pregaming for St. Patty's?
Ones vagina should not have the same slogan as a can of Pringles.
Me too like the fact they didn't arrest me wants to send them an edible arrangement
I knew it was you who came home last night because no one else would walk in at 3 am and start microwaving a burrito
She told me I was absolutely not allowed to sleep with him even though she knows I'm a rule breaker who loves a good challenge.
I’m going to give his broken heart CPR with my vagina
Also—I just realized that your wedding gift is still on my dining room table. So...as awful as I am for not yet sending it (and I still need your address), at least I didn’t bring my screaming children to potentially the most important day of your life?
Randomize
