I successfully cooked a taquito with a lighter! My stomach hurts now tho.. im either guna blame it on the undercooked taquito or im feeling guily about porkin my brothers gf a lil bit ago
i'm wearing my white shorts to coax my period out of hiding.
Whyyyyy do my fingers smell like Chinese food.
By the way, I think my next facebook status update will read, "Aaron recently found out Vanessa's a screamer."
oh god.
to cover up your slurred speech you tried talking like the creepy old man from family guy
I didnt realize my nipple ring fell out until he coughed it up.
his genitalia just looks like a thumbs up. a really really small thumbs up.
He just said "fuck you" to the bowl he's eating things out of
Jason and steven are boiling shrimp in the microwave again
I'm now at that point where it just feels natural to do a few shots of whisky with breakfast and then head to work
Middle of vacation, he walked into an audition for a Broadway musical in a drunken stupor. I think he got the part.
It feels like I'm being stabbed in the uterus with a rake. That night was totally worth it though. Thanks.
OMG THE KID WHO TRIED TO MAKE OUT AT THE BAR WITH ME IS SITTIG NEXT TO ME IN THE AIRPORT. WHY LIFE WHY???
You motherfucker. I just had an MRI with a penny under my boob.
I never thought I'd be judging my neighbors sex lives before age 30 but here we are
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