dude we were spooning naked in bed with her ass in my crotch. she sharted in her sleep all over my dick.
bitch so ugly she owes me an erection
You pulled the fire alarm because you had to shit and there was someone in the bathroom. you said you needed privacy
whoever set the energy saving light timer in the lobby bathroom cleraly has no concept how long a work dump takes
I ate goldfish off your shoulder, I think we had bigger issues
I have reached the state of intoxication where it is now a requirement to sit while peeing.
Im pretty sure by the fifth subway ride after going in circles the four times prior, we all just accepted that we werent making the concert and should instead enjoy our magical weed and tequila laced journey.
You told me you would ride a pig into the night sky screaming, "I wear my sunglasses at night"
After much deliberatipn and vodka, my favourite phrase of Christmas 2012 is "penis of last resort"
I don't know if I want context or not...
Context involves faux incest and champagne. Id go into detail but im on shot number 5.
All I've done this weekend is cum and drink. I think it's safe to say I'm dehydrated.
We really shouldn't need this many nicknames for the women you've had sex with.
Girl this is ridiculous I told my self that I would stop having sex in stairwells yet it keeps happening
He started to lick a stick of butter and was calling it Jennifer.
Well I had to use a seat cushion at Soul Cycle today so, yeah, I'd say the sex was good
Would it be sad if I made a blanket fort to get drunk in till the power came back?
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