Yeah, getting the HI-fiVe would really put a damper on my whoring around.
i'm in the guys across the halls apartment. i think 7 MIP guy wants me. he just got a medical marijuana card. might be worth it.
i just saw a guy carrying a medieval times commemerative glass filled with vomit.. there were 2 people cheering him from behind
just scratched off #34 on my list of things to do before age 30 - drunk in a helicopter.
Im forcing mysellf to pee so i can fit more margaritas in me...
and then she yelled "im going to fuck the next guy that walks by me". so ya thats how i lost my virginity
so apparently dipping a tampon in red gatorade and throwing it out the window on the highway is a $100 fine
I woke up with glitter in my wounds.
Hey girl, do you remember you made me brush your hair with a plastic fork on Saturday night?
You stole my crutches last night at the bar, the DJ had to ask for them to be returned
They never prepare you for how broke ur gonna be in college. I just accepted money from two underage girls at a gas station to buy them beer only because I'm trying to figure out a way to run off with it without them noticing.
Dude, use it to buy them beer. Then run the beer to ur car as fast as you can and bring it to the party. Seriously, we're running out of booze over here
Don't worry, I could have been accepted their by waving my dick at the admissions building.
Congratulations, you've begun to unfuck your life.
I need to find parents that want to take care of a grown adult. I'm sure there's a website out there for that. Like a sugar daddy but sugar parents.
If you binge watch Bill Nye Saves the World without me you can consider yourself single
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