hide the guitars, Nate just learned to play free fallin'
dear life, i get it, drinking is not a contest
it was like fucking the hulk in a smartcar
I couldn't open my car door and for a second I thought they were taking me to an intervention circle.
theres 5 guys on the side of the road with beads and their shirts off screaming at cars already.
Only sluts go out in this weather carpe diem boys
I'll even be awesome and bring pizza for your family, just as a "hey thanks for letting a stranger get trashed at your house" gesture.
I just made out with Ricky Ullman of Phil of the Future fame and I don't know what I'm doing anymore. Help.
I just sent Brandon a snapchat where I wasn't wearing a shirt but had a rooster drawn on my boobs that said "cock block" and laughed for 10 minutes I have problems don't judge me
it was like fucking a Mumford & Sons song
When you're all settled in, text me, and I can sorta apologize for saying that your phone can suck my dick. What I really meant to say is that your Windows phone can suck my Android phone's dick.
Three Decembers later, I'm looking at this fuckin Santa lingerie I bought and just realized my stocking never got stuffed....
how did i manage to wake up with my bra on backwards?
Ok, there are marshmallows shaped like elephants
That chick keeps sending eggplant emojis
Welcome to dating in the digital age. Better catch up now that you’re divorced
and eggplant is code for penis. It means she’s DTF. Go get her tiger!!!
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