you kept telling everyone that you were the mayor of silverware town
Turns out you can't chew it over with twix in real life
Dude I've never seen anyone get slapped that hard
Hold on. She's wrapped herself in toilet paper and is scaring the dog.
Too many margaritas?
Honestly... isn't she a psych major? how does she go through life NOT realizing that everything she does is a cry for help?
making out was so insane. it felt like our tongues were paintbrushes made of waves and we were painting an ocean galazy
dude I just got a noise complaint from my apartment people for loud sexual activities. I'm framing this for sure
God I hope my hair dresser doesn't realize that all these hairspiration pictures are from gay porn blogs on tumblr.
I was just too high to be in rapids man. I just screamed for the entire time I was jostling about.
It's hard to hold down the snapchat button for video while thrusting. Sorry if the cinematography wasn't Oscar-worthy.
Care to explain the single rose and the package of "Cowboy Moustaches" I found on the porch?
Some male strippers are here, I threw pancakes at them. It's ok
I told him I just left the convent and really wanted a man. He fell for it. Sure beats telling him I'm a nympho stalker that followed him to the bar when I saw his beard.
Well I mean I HAD done a pretty good job of not pooping myself through the years
We ran out of toilet paper so Ive been using coffee filters
not only did he puke in his mouth and hold it.. He also sneezed while doing this
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