I hope you had to get up out of bed and walk across your room to check this text message
Gotta love hanging with Nat. By the time guys realize she isnt going home with them, they've spent enough money and time to think I'm a good idea.
Besides asking our teacher if he enjoyed being fisted did I have any other tragic moments last night?
one of the RAs is here. he told me his name is optimus prime and then took his shirt off and fell down
All i've had today is coffee and ketchup packets. I need a job like yesterday.
That bitch makes my crazy look like a walk in the park with cotton candy
Hey do you eat chocolate chip pancakes with bacon in?
DO NOT MAIL ME A PANCAKE
I think I just legit sprained my wrist from holding myself up while giving a blow J. God dammit come already
I love you but this is the first Saturday I have ever spent at the police station. And where are my boxers?
she said that no one there was hot enough for her so she then proceeded to give the passed out person a lap dance because he was "her type."
I wasn't going to drink tonight, but was reminded this is the anniversary of prohibition being repealed. If I don't, then I am against my profession of bartending and anti-American, right?
My fire has petered out without you
My Peter has fired out without you
That might be the most romantic thing you’ve said to me, unfortunately.
Just peed on the front lawn of the capital building. Great American.
Coffee and girl scout cookies. Breakfast of champions.
Get fucked.
I totally fucked your pastor last night.
You're his wife.
Still a dirty get down.
Randomize
