i got excepted to unl lol
You mean "accepted".
He walked into the party with a case on one shoulder and a boom box on the other of course I fucked him
At the end of the night you handed the bartender a piece of paper with the word "VISA" written on it.
Hovering on the line between her being fuckable and me being too drunk to fuck. Life's juggling act in progress here.
I stole an ensure out of their fridge and started chugging it. That was when Maria made me leave.
I'm not as easy in Europe as I am in the US
Only because you can wipe your slut slate clean & start anew. It's a little known benefit of our currency exchange.
I woke up in the closet and then I found my shirt in a bag of Doritos... how does that work out?
Ecstasy should be its own food group.
i just wrote an ode to an enchilada dorito. i'll need that pregnancy test now please.
I rather not break my neck. It's hard to look sexy with a neck cast.
I was struggling morally, but once I let go, I came pretty hard.
I love you with the passion of a thousand FUCKBOYS during the height of week 1 texting
...hi
YOU SHOULD BE ASHAMED OF YOURSELF
Ok cool I was afraid you'd never speak to me again. I can work with this.
Some guy is here to get laser hair removal on his balls. I hate my job.
Tonight is an "I'm lonely and single so I'm going to curl up in a warm, melatonin and vodka enriched ball in the corner of my bed with a cat." kind of night.
Randomize
